Drunken Kiss
by Evil Dork
Summary: -SQ CRACK FIC- It started with a drunk kiss, that led to a one night stand. But now with their new development in their relationship, Emma and Regina need to protect StoryBrooke from the crazy evils that are lurking in the dark. Not to mention from their own relationship. This is a crack fic I came up while being hospitalize, meaning I'm just trying to make you laugh.
1. Chapter 1

_**Sex, Drugs and Rock n Roll**_

_**M or R rated  
Just in case kids  
Hoping to make it a little crack  
Evil Dork**_

A small idea got while being hospitalize.

Ch1

"Come on ladieeees!" Ruby sanged as she opened the door of her apartment leading the herd in.  
Emma was the first plopping herself on the couch.  
"Oh yes" she moaned buring herself deeper into the cushions.  
Regina passed by the moaning woman shaking her head disapprovingly and made herself at home sitting on a chair. Snow chuckled as she balanced the huge bags of alcohol. Elsa rushed to help her while Anna was immerse in a baby talk with Cindy (Cinderella) over Alex.  
"Aw hell naw Anna! Put everything comfy on the ground and would someone please wake Emma!?"  
Regina smirked.  
"I can help you with that dear" she stated as she lifted the back of the couch toppling Emma to the ground.  
Ruby smiled at her.  
"Damn! Thanks Gina!"  
Emma sprawled on the ground and pushed the cushions off her.  
She huffed and glared at Regina who only stuck her tongue out to her.  
"Now girls behave"  
Emma sat up and glared at her mother while Regina sat beside her on a cushion shushing the pixie hair.  
"You know nothing, Snow White"  
Emma laughed, there was only one explanation.  
"Henry?"  
Regina lifted a brow.  
"Of course not Ms Swan I've read the books and watched the show"  
Emma's eyes widen comically before smiling coyly. Apparently there wasn't one explanation.  
"Well I drink to that"  
"Well I drink to a night without men" Anna sighed as she plopped down on a cushion. Elsa sat beside her and took her hand in hers.  
"Kristof is anxious for the wedding isn't he?"  
Anna laughed.  
"Yeah, I mean isn't that my job? You know as in getting stressed, eating and like getting everything ready and the list! Oh and the flowers!-"  
"GAME OF THORNS!"  
Emma and Regina chanted before starting to do the Game of Thrones intro song. Emma did the low accompanying tunes while Regina focused in the main.  
Ruby entered with the glasses and join them. Snow and Cindy entered behind with the various and varied bottles of alcohol. When they ended the song everyone was seated.  
"They had something before, right?"  
Anna whispered to her sister.  
Elsa shook her head.  
"They're just weird like that"  
"Well! I drink to no babies!" Cindy exclaimed gaining a cheer from Snow.  
"My god yes! I hope the boys don't screw this up!"  
Snow sighed giving out cups.  
Cindy nodded.  
"Too bad Belle couldn't come"  
"Well she's pregnant! Not good drinking material!" Exclaimed Red as she got up and turn on the music which Emma approved with a holler, which shattered Regina's ear and she snapped her fingers to the rhythm.  
"We are gonna get soooooooooooooo DRRRUNK!"  
Red screamed and jumped in the same place.  
And soon the drinking began.

At 1 am the situation was pretty heated and the girls were all not overly but seriously drunk.  
"Okay, alright children!" Snow said standing up, Snow could really hold up her alcohol it impressed everyone except Regina. She lived for years with seven dwarfs what did you expect?  
Snow was now wearing Regina's blazer and a random tie she found along with her white turtleneck sweater.  
"I think! But this is what I think!-"  
"Come on!" Yelled Anna who was swaying and nodding unsynced with the music.  
"Well I say we do as many shots As we can, pick your favorite, not rum Emma, I forbid you"  
Emma lifted her whisky.  
"Hell no 'lass'!" She imitated hook between closed eyes and made the girls laugh.  
"We do as many shots as we can to the song 'shots'!"  
Ruby howled.  
"HELL YEAH! Man! I should have bought weed!" Regina, who was wearing Emma's red leather jacket, pointed at Ruby agreeing with the mistake.  
Elsa and Anna looked confused.  
"Weed? Why, (laughs) why would you buy weed?"  
Cindy shushed them and petted their heads.  
"It's okay, it's okay to be young and naive, and amateurs to this big scary world or should I say 'scawy'?"  
Regina cackled evilly.  
"You are so drunk Cinderella"  
Cindy laughed.  
"I am, aren't i!?"  
Snow who was staring unfocused clapped her hands.  
"ARE YOU READY!?"  
And everybody go  
Shots  
Shots  
Shots  
Shots  
Shots  
Shots  
Shots  
Shots  
Shots  
Shots  
Shots  
EVERYBODY!  
Most of them drunk them through except Elsa who spat some.  
"Oh boy" she extended her mouth and gaged at the burning taste.  
"That's going to hit" Emma laughed lifting a glass which she clicked with Regina before downing it.  
"People! I predict the FUTURE!" Said Red putting a hand on her face and waving the other in a circular motion.  
"And I! RUBINI! Predict great hangovers coming up!"  
"No shit Rubini" Regina snapped before drinking her tequila.

-later-

Emma who had her tank top latched in her head as a make shift hat and aviators was dancing closely with a skirt less Regina. Explanation, strip poker.  
Ruby was doing an arm wrestling contest with Anna, the loser had to drink while Elsa was the referee. Elsa had to black stripes drawn to her cheeks.  
Cindy was modeling Snow winnings.  
Yes Snow beat their asses in strip poker. She won Red's panties, Emma's tank top, Regina's skirt and bra, Elsa's shirt and Anna's bra.  
"Oh yes very nice!" Snow laughed throwing the clothing to Cindy as money. The blonde giggled, Snow had all the mafia.

It wasn't until 3 in the morning the the ambience calmed and they were officially drunk of their asses. Regina and Emma were now slow dancing to a reggae. More like Emma grinding on Regina to the music of ' A lalala long'. Emma's tank top was now wrapped in Regina's hand after the brunette proved that her hand was an excellent baseball bat, and had a glass thrown at her by Anna. It wasn't a home run.  
Red had found some weed and was smoking it with Anna and Snow while Cindy and Elsa were making faces at each other.  
Anna was high,admiring the effects of this weed, looking at the flames eating the joint with a 'woooow'.  
Red exhaled and said.  
"Come gather around my people"  
Elsa and Cindy took seat. Red glared at the couple still dancing and that had their hands all over each other.  
"Hey! Earth to Regina! Come on"  
Emma dragged Regina and they sat down. The joint went around twice before Ruby spoke again.  
"Have you guys ever noticed that The Evil Queen in the animated movie is like a nun compared to what Regina was in the enchanted forest?"  
Everyone chuckled even Emma who had an arm wrapped around Regina's shoulders.  
"That is ... True yes" Regina admired slowly taking a drag.  
Snow snorted.  
"Please everyone was a nun compared to Regina! Even Ruby now would be a nun if you ever show up with one of those dresses!"  
The girls laughed again.  
"I don't know about that snow!" Said Cindy winking at Ruby.  
"Wait so was like Regina was a slut?" Anna laughed at her statement and at Regina's offended face.  
"No, I was a queen!"  
Elsa extended her hand and Regina accepted her high five.  
"Oh right you guys are from Asgard!" Emma reasoned with big eyes.  
"Arandelle" Elsa corrected with closed eyes.  
"Potato potatoe" Emma waved off the correction.  
Anna laughed.  
"I want to see you in one of those dresses Regina!"  
Everyone 'OOOH'.  
"Oh yeah! I want Evil Cleavage back!" Ruby stated with a slow nod and Regina rolled her eyes.  
"Yes!" Snow agreed and Cindy laughed nodding.  
"Oh I want to see the Prostitute Queen!" Elsa hollered making Regina blush a little.  
"Shut up ice machine"  
"Hey! At least I'm not a icicle like Marian, a Marcicle" Elsa laughed.  
" I have to admit, when I became Martin Mcfly and I saw you, damn Regina! You are a panties ruiner!" Emma confessed making Regina hide her blush on the crook of the blondes neck.  
"Well I'm glad you think so Ms Swan" she whispered in her ear. Emma shivered before her eyes light up with a memory.  
"Oh RUBES! Do you remember the day, back when I first got into town that we did the 'Ms Swan' drinking game!"  
Ruby laughed hard remembering.  
"And deputy Swan was two shots! I remember! We walked together around town with vodka hidden in water bottles and purposely would get in Regina's way to see how she reacted! It was awesome! We got wasted!"  
Regina huffed between the laughter.  
"How classy! How irresponsible Ms swan and Ms Lucas! That explains a lot"  
Emma and Ruby 'OOOOH' before having a shot. Regina rolled her eyes. Cindy stood up swaying a little and clean the laughing tears from her eyes.  
"Well guys is my cue" she said staring at the clock.  
Anna jumped at the numbers and fell back from her drunk state.  
"Oh god Kris is going to kill me!" Elsa helped her up and they waved a goodbye.  
At 4 o'clock only 4 remained.  
"Do you think we are really drunk?" Ruby asked at no one in particular.  
"Oh we are very drrrunk Ruby" Regina said rolling her 'r'. Everyone perked at that.  
"Okay that was hot!" Emma said pointing at the woman cocooned against her chest.  
"Yeah it was! You should say Robin's name like that!" Exclaimed Snow as she leaned to slapped Regina on the arm. Ruby laughed.  
" oh yeah! Can totally picture it! Hola RRRROBIN! And the dude would loose the ability to speak due to his erection that's about to break his pants!" Regina huffed and buried her face deeper in Emma.  
" I don't want Robin" she mumbled and Emma stroked her back.  
Ruby arched a brow and leaned closer.  
"Okay girls, now that we are even, who, in this room would you kiss?"  
"Lightly on the lips?" Snow asked and Ruby nodded. Snow hummed in thoughts her eyes landed on Emma but quickly moved to Regina who glared at her which made look at Red. Smiling Snow leaned forward and kissed Ruby. Ruby fist pumped the air in celebration.  
"Holy shit" Emma whispered with a slacked jaw. When the parted Ruby laughed.  
"I knew it , I'm hotter than Prince Charming! Now Emma" Ruby pointed at the only blonde who blushed. The forest eyes didn't go all the way around instead they settled quickly on Regina.  
"Pantie ruiner" Emma whispered softly and Regina smirked with lustful eyes. Without warning the brunette smashed her lips against Emma's with such a force that Emma felled backwards with Regina on top of her attacking her lips. Emma parted her mouth and deepened the kiss wrapping her arms and legs around the grinding Regina.  
Ruby and Snow stared how the kiss became a hot make out session full of moans and groans.  
"We should leave them" Snow nodded and accompanied Ruby to her bedroom. To sleep.  
Regina took the advantage of Emma's shirtless form to unclasp her bra and grope her boobs. Emma moaned as the brunette pinched her garden nipples.  
"Oh god Regina you are so wet"  
Emma said as Regina sucked her neck lightly. Emma pushed her leather jacket off Regina and popped open shirt while Regina worked on her skinny jeans. They moans at the contact of the fresh skin molding against each other and pantie ripping before falling into the hazy night of lust.

**A.N**  
**Hell I don't know what they were giving me in that machine.**  
**So what you think more?**  
**Evil Dork!**


	2. Chapter 2

When Regina woke up it was with a ray of sun striking on her face. Her head hurt and she was pretty sure she had her left hand on fire. A leather jacket stuck to her sweat covered skin. She turned around with the leather jacket and snuggle closer to the source of warmth sighing happily. She heard a sigh and two snakes tighten their grip around her waist and shoulders. It was then that Regina noticed two important things, one she was naked, two she was with someone else naked, someone with a nice pair of boobs. Regina bolted up and the arms around her fell limply to her hips. The brunette held a gasp as she saw the blonde mass of hair groan and snuggle closer to her abdomen.  
"Oh fuck" she whispered as last night memories flooded in.  
From throwing Emma off the couch, loosing her shit to a very mafia MaryMargaret, Anna juggling a glass, the glass zooming at full speed at her, Emma throwing a hat to people and screaming 'The Gentleman', Emma wrapping her arms around her as they dance, how aroused she was, Ashley singing off tune 'NewYork', Elsa creating ice mustaches and finally how horny she felt when Emma said 'pantie ruiner'.  
My god, I drunk kissed Emma and had sex with her, and I loved it Regina groaned sending a hand to her face and she whined in pain. She held it up all enveloped in the dirty white tank top. Slowly and delicately she unwrapped the impromptu bandage and once she got to the end she couldn't hold her gasp. Her hand was all meaty and there was blood tainted glass shards sticking out of it. Taking a deep breath Regina waved her good hand over it healing her hand and evaporating the glass shards. Emma inhaled loudly in Regina's lap making the brunette look down. A soft smile appeared on Emma's lips making an unconsciously grin appear on the plumb lips of the brunette. Dread took over Regina as she realized what she was doing and scolded herself, do NOT fall for Emma. Cautiously she pried off Emma's grip and stood up dropping the hideous leather jacket beside its owner. The apartment was a mess, she suspected Ruby was still sleeping and so Regina searched for her stuff, re arranged herself and started the so called walk of shame to her car.  
She was going to get a shower to cleanse herself of last night.

Emma turned and groaned as her back protested against the hardwood floor. Slowly she sat up rubbing the sleep off her eyes and groaned at her hangover. Blinking she study the now cleaned room and her cloths piled next to her as her memories came back.  
"My god Regina" Emma whispered looking desperately for the brunette who was nowhere to be found. Of course the hot ass ex mayor would pass this through as a mistake, but for Emma, it was the most amazing feeling and it wasn't the alcohol. She couldn't get the images of Regina off her mind, sighing Emma got up and got dressed.  
She walked down with her aviators perched on the bridge of her nose and got into her beetle. She drove to her little plain apartment. Emma did her trademark 2 minute shower which she master after various demanding foster parents. Throwing her dirty cloths on top the washing machine and changed into her red converse booties, another skinny black jeans and a grey hoodie with her aviators. She heard the door slum shut and foot steps going to the kitchen.  
"Henry?"  
"Hey ma! How was last night"  
Emma gulped down her aspirin.  
"Great"  
I had mind blowing sex with your other mother Emma huffed to herself.  
"Hey kid it's like 7 am whatcha doing here so early?"  
Henry appeared and leaned on the door frame. His hair was a mess and he had two faint bags under his eyes.  
"For an uncle, Neal wails, a lot, I need sleep I'm a kid too you know?"  
Emma chuckled and ruffled Henry's hair.  
"Well kid I'm going to Granny's and I'm locking the door!" She said closing the door before opening it again popping her head.  
"Oh and call me when you wake up and if I don't answer call Regina and go to her place, Kay?"  
"Okay!"  
Emma locked and then she realized something.  
Quickly she opened the door again.  
"Today it's your day with her right?" She asked to the apartment.  
"Yeah!"  
"Okay bye!"  
Now she finally locked the door, got into her beat up beetle and drove her bug to Granny's.

Anna sat on her booth wearing her round sunglasses with a short blue sundress and a brown shawl she was leaning against a anxious looking Kristoff and infront of them was a dozing Elsa sporting her blue blazer and white shirt along with dark oxford jeans.  
"So none of you is going to talk about last night?"  
The twins shushed him and he lifted his hands confused. When Ruby came with their order, he was about to speak when the waitress shushed him in the same manner.  
Emma entered the dinner and waved at the locals. She shared a look with Anna and Elsa before sitting on her stool and pulling her hoodie on. Ruby came up to her with a smirk.  
"Hey Mrs Swan-Mills"  
Emma glared at her as depression took over her.  
"Not in the mood Ruby, please get me some coffee and a burger or something"  
Ruby nodded in understanding before declaring cheerfully.  
"Coffee and a burger coming right up!"  
Emma groaned and whispered.  
"Jeez turn the volume down a little"  
The door chimed and Emma turned to see her merry parents coming in. Snow unlike the rest, except Ruby, was her bright self already back in the job as current mayor and of nursing baby Neal. The petite woman smiled brightly at Emma while her husband smack Emma on the back as a good morning as they passed to go to their usual booth. Emma was seriously considering to take her food to go as the morning hour was approaching and she couldn't take the noise, not even in her free day. The more the bell kept chiming announcing arrivals and Ruby scattered around the dinner taking orders the more Emma wanted to go to her apartment, eat all her crap food there, snuggle in a blanket and watch a crappy movie in Netflix or listen to Jack Johnson and definitely not think over the recent events. She just wanted to survive her hangover. The diner got noisier by the minute causing Emma to pull her hoodie more over her head and face to try mute the area. She started to hum a random song in her head and muted everyone.  
She didn't notice how a single chime of the bell made everyone in the diner silent.

Regina slid of her Mercedes and walked to the diner adjusting her sunglasses, god forbid that these peasants see her hangover. When she entered the usual noisy diner fell silent and she smiled at Ruby who winked to her and whispered for only her to hear.  
"Morning Mrs Mills of Swan, or Mrs Swan-Mills"  
She ignored the pleasant tingling sensation in her stomach and the way her heart beat faster to that and glared a Ruby instead.  
"My order Ms Lucas, quickly"  
She snarled and walked to her usual stool. She turned to her left and sighed, the usual stool that was occupied by the sherif was now occupied by someone else Regina didn't recognize. She didn't know if she was relieved or disappointed. It did look like the annoying blonde but the color of hair didn't match perfectly and the hoodie was covering most of the face.  
Ruby came up to where she was and smirked.  
"Hey Emma, here your order" said the lanky brunette putting down the tray. The stranger perked up moving her hoodie a little making Regina's blood run cold. Emma had obviously taken a shower and not bothered to blow dry her blonde mane.  
"Yeah, can I have it to go?"  
Ruby nodded to her before turning at the paralyzed Regina and said.  
"Yours coming right up Regina!"  
Emma flinched at the name, scared to turn to her right.  
Man up swan.  
Slowly, Emma turned making the stool creak. She flashed a smile that could light up a whole room and made Regina groan. The brunette was going to have a hard time getting over this one.  
"Morning Reg"  
Regina took a deep breath and turned with her usual emotionless mask and greeted.  
"Good morning Ms Swan"  
As she said it her eyes kept going to the pale thin lips and a great desire to kiss the blonde overtook her. Maybe if she could see her eyes it wouldn't be so damn hard to keep her own eyes focused. Damn aviators but at the same time thank god for sunglasses because her eyes were as well hidden behind them and the blonde was oblivious to the dark orbs. She really wanted to wait for Emma to go out and then go after her and push her against the concrete wall and have her way with her. It felt like years since she kissed those lips and it was only yesterday! And it was ONLY yesterday, it's not going to happen again Regina, the brunette scolded herself unaware the blonde was having the similar issue.  
Ruby came back placing their orders and Regina snatched it right a way making and escape through the the door. With her fast reflexes Emma ran after her leaving a smirking Ruby to bite their dust.  
"Thanks for ordering at Granny's!" Ruby yelled after them.  
Being in sneakers and for the mere fact she was faster Emma caught up to Regina easily and latched to the brunette's fore arm and balanced her take out in the other.  
"Regina wait we need to talk"  
Regina sighed and turned to Emma ripping her arm off the claws of the blonde.  
"No we don't, Ms Swan!"  
Doing their usual thing, aka breaking personal spaces, Regina leaned and whispered to Emma.  
"It was a one time thing, no feelings attached"  
She leaned back and continued.  
"Goodbye sheriff"  
Regina left a nonplussed Emma swan. The blonde wanted to ran after her, she didn't want a one time thing, she couldn't resist a one time thing. Devastated, Emma dragged her feet to her car and drove slowly back to her place.  
When she arrived, she had like 30 calls from Killian. Emma sighed, the man screwed up and they both knew it.  
Laying down and setting her food Emma screamed.  
"Yo Hen?!"  
"Yeah?"  
"Wanna do some Happy Madison film marathon?"  
Henry emerged from his room and plopped beside Emma stealing a fry.  
"Sure, I'll watch some before going to Moms"  
Emma's face fell at the mention of the brunette.  
Henry lifted and eye brow to that, but didn't voice his question. He needed to have more info.

After the 3rd movie Henry picked up his bag and turned off the tv. His mother had drifted off to sleep with a sad look on her face and Henry couldn't understand what was going on. Sighing he kissed her forehead and left the apartment. He walked a few minutes before arriving to the mansion and promptly unlocking the door.  
"Mom! I'm home"  
Silence.  
"Mom!?"  
Henry undid his shoes by the door and went up the stairs. Doing a fast stop at his room to leave his bag he searched the upper floor.  
He went back down the stairs scratching his chest underneath his Super Mario Bros shirt. He heard a noise in his mother study and went to investigate.  
He open the door to find his mother dressed in a tight dress that reminded him of the drawing in his book.  
"MOM?!"  
Regina jumped and turned around to find a slacked jaw Henry staring at her.  
Well this is awkward she thought.  
"Great Henry, do you think that I look like a nun?"  
Henry managed to shake his head.  
"Does Ruby look like a nun compared to me"  
Henry narrowed his eyes.  
"Mom... No, stop. I'm going to the park with Felix, I'm too young for this shit"  
And with that Henry left the house.

**A.N**  
**SUGGESTIONS**  
**PLEASE**


	3. Chapter 3

Ch3

"Dude yes!"  
"Dude no!"  
Henry yelled from his spot under the oak. That's what they started doing, get together under their oak. Henry would always come to this oak when he was younger to talk to an older guy, Christopher, but since the curse broke Christopher moved to England. It was one lonely day when he found another brooding boy under the long branches of the oak. A sad boy. A lost boy. Felix was broken, with nowhere to go. He started off cold but Henry's attempts to become friends never wavered. Soon they became excellent friends. Henry got him back to school and a family adopted him. Felix was still a trouble maker and a bad boy but he was always a loose goof and his true self around Henry.  
Felix removed the cigarette from his mouth and lifted his body enough to look at Henry.  
Henry gave him an exasperated look.  
"Dude it's my mom!"  
Felix shook his head laughing and return the smoke to his lips.  
"Your adoptive mum"  
At this the younger boy punched the other.  
"SHE RAISED ME YOU ASS!"  
Felix laughed harder.  
"God Henry, you hit like a girl"  
"You look like a girl"  
Henry grumbled.  
"Yeah but not hot like your mom, or your other mom"  
At this Henry sat up waving his arms.  
"DUDE!"  
Felix chuckled still laying in his spot smoking. He loved to pester Henry with this subject.  
"You know what would be hot?"  
Henry massaged his brow and sighed.  
"Please do not say my moms together-"  
"YOUR MUMS TOGETHER! Making out"  
"FELIX!"  
"Dude! Have you seen their boobs?"  
"That's it" Henry grabbed his bag and tried to stand up but Felix latched to his legs making him fall.  
"BRO!"  
Felix laughed flipped the poor boy around and straddled him.  
Henry struggled and Felix grabbed his hands pinned them above his head.  
"Whatcha gonna do bro? huh!?"  
He screamed and Henry laughed trying to get off.  
"Come on man! Get off!"  
"Come on Hen! be a lost boy!"  
He yelled and began blowing air on Henry's face.  
Gathering strength Henry switched their positions.  
"How you like me now?" Henry said waggling his brows.  
"Better!"  
Said Felix wagging his bushy eyebrows, snatching his discarded cigarette and took a quick drag to blow it on Henry's face.  
Henry fell back waving the offending smoke off.  
"Not cool man! You know I hate that stuff!"  
Felix cackled and stood cleaning his jeans from the grass stains and gave a hand to the other boy. Henry gingerly took it and slapped the cigaret off his friends hand.  
"So what do you want to do?"  
Felix hummed.  
"Want to go outside Granny's and check Ruby out?"  
Henry nodded and they got on Felix Vintage Vespa.

They parked just outside Granny's and Felix got out to lean against the bike while Henry remained on it. The blond boy took a pair of glasses and slipped them on while Heaney arranged his beanie correctly.  
"Hey want some ice cream?"  
Felix shook his head and Henry shrugged. He walked to the ice cream shop and got himself a chocolate mint. When he got back he returned to his seat and they stared at the diner. Henry slipped his own sunglasses and put low music on his phone.  
"Damn man, your mom with Ruby! Heh Yeah!"  
Henry rolled his eyes and look.  
His blonde mother seemed to be in a heated conversation with the sexy waitress.

"What can I do Ruby?!"  
The waitress hummed and popped her chewing out of her mouth inspecting it for a minute in thought.  
"I can get you both drunk, again"  
Emma gave her a serious look and Ruby went on cleaning the bar, leaning close to the marvel making her ass pop out.  
Emma took a sip of her coffee appreciating the gorgeous butt. Ruby smirked chewing her gum.  
"Are you sure you are into Regina?"  
Emma laughed.  
"Pretty sure, I mean you've seen her"  
"Hell yeah"  
Emma bared her teeth jokingly.  
"You should put that away" the blonde says nodding at the brunette's ass.  
Ruby glance at it and frowns.  
"Why?"  
Emma scoffed.  
"Because I'm pretty sure everyone's eyes are going sore from staring at it, including my son" Ruby turned to the window and laughed at the sight of a nodding Felix and a blushing Henry trying to hide behind the Vespa.  
Emma shook her head.  
"Can we go back to my problem?"  
"You could ask her out"  
Emma sighed again, impressively they went over this.  
"I can't, she said" and Emma straighten her back and crossed her legs and regally as she could. She fixed her leather jacket to make it look like blazer and made her best Regina voice. Which sounded more like a British woman.  
"It was a one time thing, no feelings attached"  
Ruby snorted at the attempt.  
"One time thing my ass! I mean have you seen the way she looks at your ass!? She probably would hit that more than once, I know I would"  
Emma blushed.  
"Shut up Rubini"  
Ruby smirked and blew a kiss to Emma. The dinners door slammed opened with a chilly breeze. Elsa collapsed on the stool next to Emma so fast she nearly fell through the other side.  
"You guys I need to stay away from town hall, seriously Emma your brother, needs a nanny"  
Emma and Ruby snorted. Elsa had taken the position as Snow's new assistant and apparently baby Neal wouldn't stop crying.  
"It's your job, how did you get out?"  
Emma asked.  
Elsa fixed her hair and sighed.  
"Lunch order, I have 10 minutes before she realizes, So what are you guys talking about?"  
"Emma's ass"  
Ruby answered simply and Emma rolled her eyes. Elsa sat a bit straighter.  
"What's wrong with your ass?"  
Emma opened her mouth but Ruby beat her to it and answers as a matter of fact  
"She says Regina wouldn't tap it" .  
"No way, I would" says Elsa leaning forward. Emma stares at Elsa. She cursed herself, why does she have such hot friends.  
"I need uglier friends" she grumbles under her breath making the other girls laugh. The Arrandelle twins had learned what a happened after they left the apartment last night.  
"Who would say, The Savior and the Evil Queen?" Elsa says with a chuckle. Emma sighed like she hasn't heard that one before.  
"I said, so corny it hurts, even before the curse you had the hots for each other, I mean did you guys know the definition of personal space?"  
Elsa laughs.  
"It was like that?"  
Ruby rammed herself to the nearest wall, pressing herself next to it and smashing her cheek on it.  
"He is my son! No he's my son Msssssss SWAAN!"  
She snarls mockingly and Elsa cups her mouth trying to hold her laugh while Emma glares at the waitress secretly jealous because the brunette could imitate Regina much better than her.  
"I'm corny? How about beauty and the beast"  
That snaps Ruby back to her place and she leans to Emma.  
"Hey! Shush! StoryBrooke is a small town!"  
Emma turns to look at the diner. Everyone was till about their business and weren't paying attention to the shrilly trio.  
"How's that anyway?"  
Elsa asks and Emma scoffs.  
"The married part or the pregnant part?"  
Ruby smacks Emma on the arm and the blonde gasps.  
"Tale as old as time, it happens once in a while!, tale as old as time, beauty cheats on beast! Or vice versa"  
Emma chanted and while she was doing she knew she overstepped it. It was clear as Ruby stood and stormed to the front to where Emma was. The brunette glared at Emma and the blonde open her mouth for an apology but she came out dry. The brunette stormed out the dinner and granny came out of the kitchen.  
"Ah god damn it Emma, what did you do this time?"  
The older woman yelled and Emma hanged her head in shame. Elsa whistled, ever since Belle and Ruby hooked up, Emma was nervous for the werewolf.  
"I don't want her to get heartbroken"  
Emma sighed banging her head against the bar. Elsa patted her back.  
"Emma sometimes we think that we know our true love, but we don't , feelings change and so does true lovers, just give them time, they are getting a divorce anyway"  
Emma huffed.  
"We don't know yet"  
Elsa sighed and picked her lunch.  
"Well I need to go, before this gets cold"  
Emma rose her head.  
"I thought we were over the puns"  
Elsa rolled her eyes.  
"We are"  
Emma stood up. She was tired of screwing things up and rushed out the door after the brunette. On her way she knocked someone, the blonde didn't bothered to see who it was she had priorities. She ran after the storming Ruby and caught up to her.  
"Ruby wait!"  
She grabbed the brunette's forearm and halted her. Ruby huffed and looked at her with red stricken eyes.  
Emma's heart broke at the sight of her best friend crying.  
"I am so sorry, I swear I need to know how to shut up, Ruby I know she is great pair for you, and I'm, god damn it I was an ass I had my mind on Regina and didn't think about you, I'm sorry rubes"  
Emma whispered sincerely. Ruby stared at her friend and cleaned the tears falling down her cheeks. Ruby stared at her feet before looking back at the pleading forest orbs.  
Running a hand throw her hair she grumbled.  
"Damn it Swan, don't do this again to me"  
Emma smiled big and goofy wrapping her arms around Ruby's waist and hugging her while twirling her on the air. Ruby laughed and wrapped her arms around the blondes neck.  
Putting the brunette down Emma smiled and nudge Ruby with her shoulder and the brunette copied. They friendship moment broke when a sultry voice appeared.  
"What is happening here"  
The couple turned to look at the former mayor who was glaring daggers at the waitress.  
"Regina!"  
Ruby smiled hooking her arm on Emma's shoulder giving her a side hug. The blonde grinned and blushed a little.  
"We had a misunderstanding, but it's okay now right Ems?"  
"Yeah"  
Emma breathed, discreetly checking the other brunette out. She snapped her eyes back to the mocha orbs and smiled.  
"Oh good to know that whatever happened here was fixed and that it was worth the fact that you knocked me to the ground" Regina snapped at the couple. The former mayor wasn't going to lie that she was angered at the blonde, not only for knocking her but for leaving her on the ground and ran to the sluty waitress instead. She glared and the pale hand gripping the brunette's waist.  
Huffing Regina fixed her pursed and strut past the couple leaving Emma to stare at her ass and the brunette smirked knowing the blonde was indeed looking.  
Ruby let a low whistle.  
"Damn, she hot in the jealous jelly" Ruby said heading back to the diner.  
Emma frowned after her friend.  
Regina jealous? Was Regina into Red?  
"Fuck, me would ya?"  
Emma huffed glaring after the ex mayor as she made her way to the station.

**A.N**  
**Thoughts?**  
**Evil Dork!**


	4. Chapter 4

Ch4

Elsa opened the door and greeted.  
"Good morning, this way please"  
"I used to work here Elsa I know where I'm going" said Regina strutting past the ice queen.  
"Oh I'm fine Regina, thank you for coming at such short notice, please Snow will see you now"  
Grumbled the blonde walking behind Regina. They continued down the hall and got into the mayors room. Regina rolled her eyes at the new decorations of the room.  
Snow was pacing around talking and carrying baby Neal.  
"Yes, I know, we are working about it ... yes... No... I told you... Mi-mid- MIDAS I TOLD YOU IM WORKING ON IT"  
Snow ended the call and ripped the ear plug. She huffed and turned to a gaping Elsa and an amused Regina who surprised the mayor as Snow saw a hint of pride in her eyes.  
"Well dear seems you have everything under control" Regina said crossing her arms. Snow sighed and lifted Neal to Elsa which the blonde declined and then Snow turned to her step mother with puppy dog eyes. Regina feigned a sighed and cradled the baby. Snow didn't need to know that Regina loved taking care of baby Neal. The baby quietly snoozed in her arms and the brunette fought back a smile.  
Snow clapped catching Regina's attention.  
"So, the snow removal budget is low because of the repairs after snow monster and snow queen, so I've assigned stuff within the snow removal budg- why are you smiling like that Regina?"  
Regina was grinning like the cheshire cat with sparks of mirth in her mocha eyes and Snow frowned. Elsa was in deep thought until a light bulb went on and she clapped excited.  
"Snow removal budget! I get it!"  
Regina nodded approvingly and Snow glared at Regina.  
"Oh ha ha"  
"Please, I can do it for free"  
Snow scoffed.  
"Please you, you couldn't kill me in the enchanted forest"  
Regina took a step closer and glared down at Snow. Snow stared back with restless eyes. After years Snow got pretty used to Regina and she didn't have the energy to fight the brunette. And a baby holding Regina isn't so threatening. Regina took a step back and stared at Snow unbelievingly before looking at the baby in her arms.  
"What has he done to you? If I knew that a baby was all it took to destroy you, I would have cursed Emma to never grow"  
Regina pushed away the thought of an adorable baby Emma but held the blonde's brother closer. Snow sighed and rubbed her temples.  
"Okay so I send the dwarves to the north wall with Tiny and Anna, and David, Kristoff and Emma are in the south"  
Regina nodded.  
"And the pirate?"  
Snow sighed again and groaned.  
"God damn, Can one of you check on Emma?"  
As soon as the words left Snows pale lips, Elsa's eyes light up with the possibility and Regina doesn't miss it. She feels the same growing possessiveness she felt when she saw the waitress being twirled by the sheriff at the beginning of the week.  
"Take the baby Elsa from Gayrandelle, Snow are we still up for lunch this Monday?"  
Snow nodded.  
Elsa dumbfounded took baby Neal and Regina fixed herself before proofing away.

Emma trudge forward through the ice wall with her ice pick. David, her dad, was talking to Kristof in the wall division. They had broke apart most of the wall and they filled at least 2 of David's truck, now they were re loading it for a third drive. Emma walked to her dad carefully so she wouldn't slip.  
"Go Sven"  
Kristof patted the reindeers back and Sven pulled the slide full of ice towards the truck. Emma stood next to her father and bumped their shoulders.  
"So we continue?"  
Kristof nodded and pulled his bandana to cover his face leaving only the striking blue eyes to see before going back to the middle of the wall. David placed a hand on Emma's shoulder.  
"I'm going to load the truck so Sven we don't leave Sven waiting"  
At that the reindeer grunted.  
Emma nodded and said.  
"Okay be careful with the ice David"  
Charming nodded and tredge the way down.  
"Emma!"  
Father and daughter turned to see no other than Killian Jones. David fumed.  
"You bastard"  
Forgetting where he was David tried to ran to the man who cheated on his princess but slipped and fell.  
There was a sickening crunch, like when you crumble a potato chips bag followed by an ear piercing scream.  
"Dad!"  
Emma carefully went down and ran to her father. Killian too had ran to help one who he considered before as his first mate.  
"You okay mate?"  
He went to help the man up but David kicked him away with his good leg ignoring the pain.  
"Get off me you bastard!"  
Then charming groan in pain.  
Emma got to them and glared at the pirate before bending to help her father. Killian moved to help her but David leapt and punched him with his good arm before falling on the ice. Both men groan in pain.  
Emma rolled her eyes and lifted her father up again just in time as Kristoff skidded beside her and helped her.  
"Emma- please I have to talk to you love"  
Hook spluttered through a the blood coming from his broken nose.  
"Not now Hook"  
Emma huffed and Kris stepped up.  
"Get away from her pal"  
David screamed in pain. He broke his leg and and an arm Emma's suspected.  
"AAAARGH IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!"  
Hook looked at David like a wounded puppy.  
"Emma love, Please listen to me!"  
"No need for that pirate"  
Hook turn clutching his nose.  
Regina strut with her head held high.  
"Don't you have a pixie to entertain?"  
Regina sneered and crossed her arms glaring at Hook.  
Hook looked from the blonde to the brunette.  
"I will come back Emma"  
"No you won't or I'll personally castrate you, no magic pirate"  
Emma's forest eyes widen at that, she wouldn't lie that she felt a little aroused. Hook eyes widen too and he ran back into the forest.  
"Wow okay clear out chilly willy"  
Kristoff said waving his free hand. Regina's don't-fuck-with-me-or-you'll-get-a-FireBall-up-your-ass mask slipped off and walked to the truck petting Sven on the head. She waved a hand and the ice hovered and loaded on the truck. Kris and Emma placed David on the back seat as Regina got in the driver. Kris sat beside David and slapped his thigh.  
"AAAH! THATS MY BROKEN ONE!"  
"Oh ups sorry old man"  
David glared through watery eyes.  
"Nice going Regina"  
Davis complimented and kris nodded.  
"Yeah you didn't have to"  
Emma whispered buckling up on the co pilot seat. Regina snorted and started the truck.  
"Don't worry Ms Swan I enjoy threatening the life out of the handless wonder even if the sea rat hadn't cheated on you with Pan's whore"  
David and Emma gaped while Kris whispered a small.  
"Wow"  
He rolled the window down just as the car started moving and called for Sven.  
"Be right back buddy!"  
The drive to the hospital was quite as David whimpered and Kris soothed him, occasionally slapping his wrong thigh. Emma sat on her hands and fumed lightly. The brunette was confusing, she told her no feelings attached but with how she acted around Hook it was obvious it wasn't the waiter she was after and Emma really wanted to question her. The forest orbs stared at the serene face of the ex mayor occasionally slipping to the plumb lips. Regina smirked as she pulled up to the hospital and Kris got David off.  
"Thanks for the ride but I can take it from here, and um thanks with Hook but I can handle it"  
Regina sighed and got off the truck.  
"It's not that Emma , it's- ... If he appears call me, I keep my promises and I don't want to break this one"  
Emma laughed lightly at the promise of Regina castrating Hook. The pirate had broken her heart but she wasn't going to lie she was playing on dumping him, him cheating on her made it easier.  
"Have a nice day sheriff"  
Regina smiled and disappeared in a puff of purple smoke.

"So broken arm and leg huh"  
David glared as Kristoff wheeled him out of the hospital. Emma flinched.  
"You okay?"  
David grinned.  
"Terrific"  
Emma arched a brow.  
"They gave him a drug"  
Kris explained

"Jamming, jamming, jamming ,jamming!"  
"I hope you like charming too"  
David laughed as he and Emma sang along with the radio. Long after leaving Kris with Sven at their rental before driving her dad to her house.  
"Mmhmh Emma do you think your mom will notice that I fell?"  
Emma laughed as she settled David in the wheelchair.  
"Dad you are on a wheel chair and have two casts"  
David chuckled.  
"Wheel chair, wheel chair, will share, we'll share mhmhmh"  
Emma rolled her eyes and opened the door.  
"Mom?"  
Snow appeared and gasped at David's appearance.  
"Honey I'm home! Look Emma's all grown up!" He pointed at his daughter before pointing at his casts.  
"Look I'm part mummy, hey! You are a mommy! And I'm a DADDY!"  
Emma snorted and explained everything. Snow gasp and hugged her husband before wheeling him in and kissing Emma on the cheek for good night.  
Emma sighed she was going to need a new deputy.

"Jones"  
She stomped on the cabin's trap door. There was a slight noise and trap door flung opened but it wasn't the pirates head that popped out but of a blonde ex fairy.  
"R-Regina?"  
She yawn and Regina's lip curled down in disgust.  
"I need to talk to the pirate"  
Tink nodded and disappeared. There where a few thumps and Hook pulled up shirtless only sporting his leather pants and Regina glared at him.  
"Regina"  
"Hook, I wasn't kidding today, stay away from Emma. It's evident you made your choice"  
She turned to leave the ship. She didn't enjoy the docks because the place reeked fish and Killian's ship wasn't an exception.  
"Who are you to say?"  
Regina halted, she turned and glared at the pirate.  
"Well I'm the only thing that is keeping your manhood in place, and I wasn't the one who cheated on her"  
She sneered and hook gulped.  
"This is your last warning pirate"  
She turned and poofed away to her mansion.  
When she appeared in her house she gaped at the scene before her.  
Henry was singing on the karaoke party only wearing his boxers.  
"Let's hear it for the boys!"  
He danced and twirled.  
Henry twirled and did an ending pose. Regina clapped and Henry jumped half a foot in the air.  
"MEAU MOOM"  
Regina laughed as Henry scurried to his room and locked the door.

**A.N**  
**Please comment.**  
**Or I will find you.**  
**And.**  
**I don't know but please do**  
**Evil dork.**


	5. Chapter 5

Ch5

**Let's just pretend that Maine has a great beach and weather only for the sake of this chapter**.

The weather was warm, well as warm as Maine could get in the summer but it was enough for the habitants of StoryBrooke to be having a nice day at the beach. Henry was specially having a good time as he raced with Felix and his boogie board. The blond boy jumped on the moving board but slipped falling on his back making Henry laugh. Felix got up and tackled Henry before launching himself on him.  
"Eat sand HenHen!"  
He tried to make Henry eat the wet sand but Henry slapped him away but not strong enough to get Felix off him. Then he saw his salvation trying to build a sand castle.  
"RO! ROLAND! HELP ME"  
The curly brunet lifted his head and grinned. Finally one of the big boys was going to let him play.  
"It my chance!"  
Roland whispered and narrowed his eyes at Felix. With a scream he ran to the older boy and jumped. Felix swiftly lifted his arm just in time as Roland latched on effectively flunking him in the water. Roland emerged and spit the water.  
"Not fair"  
Felix laughed at the little kid before diving beside the kid and emerged lifting Roland on his shoulder. Henry laughed and dove with the intentions of tackling the duo.  
"Hey water fight! Get a boy HenHen!"  
Roland cheered and Henry swam towards August.  
"Hey August wanna play fight with me against Felix and Roland"  
The red head nodded and got on Henry's shoulders.  
"Being it Felix!"  
The boys laughed and fought.

David sipped his beer happy with a straw under the shade sitting on his beach chair with his straw hat and his cheeks and nose covered in white sunblock. Snow settled baby Neal beside his father in his little baby pool. He splashed the water happily. Snow sighed and settled under the poor Maine sun beside her laid Ashley who had left baby Alex with Sean.  
Some of the men like Frederick, Sean and Little John settled beside David to keep the broken man company.  
"You know what we need?"  
Asked Frederick.  
"What?"  
Asked Midas.  
"Margaritas"  
Sean nodded and searched for a specific brunette.  
Emma was walking beside said brunette who had a cooler.  
"Ruby!"  
"Yeah!?"  
"Got margaritas?!"  
The brunette lift the huge cooler, thank god for werewolf strength and hollered.  
"Hell yeah blue prince!"  
Emma laughed and carried her chair settling it beside Elsa. Elsa smiled and removed her sunglasses.  
"Hey girls"  
"Hey!"  
Ruby settled her stuff with the cooler under the shade. Emma took of her tank top and jeans. She put on her aviators and took a deep breathe stretching enjoying the towns day off.  
"Elsa where's Anna?"  
Elsa pointed at the auburn haired girl who jumped at the back of his fiancée.  
"Come on kristoff! Let's join the water fight"  
Emma laughed as she saw couple joining the water fight her son started with his friends. The boys cheered as Roland and Felix took on Kris and Anna. She spotted Belle walking towards them waving her beach bag while clutching her hat so it wouldn't fly away from a sudden breeze.  
"Hello"  
Said cheerfully the Australian.  
"Hey Belle"  
Emma said as she sat down showing her white bikini.  
Ruby smiled a placed a kiss on the brunette's cheek.  
"Hey babe, here sit under the shade, I'm going to prepare a no alcohol margarita just for you"  
"An alcoholic one for me rubes"  
Said Emma throwing her head back on her chair beside Elsa. Ruby laughed.  
"Do we want our only sheriff intoxicated?"  
"Give me a break"  
"I agree with Ms Lucas, just because the town is having a break doesn't mean that nothing is going to happen sheriff"  
Emma craned her neck to glare at Regina. And check her out. Damn that black short sundress really suited the brunette.  
"I tell you what's going to happen Regina, I'm gonna drink my margarita without you muttering a single bitch, ya ain't mah boss anymo'"  
"How responsible" muttered Regina as she took of her sundress.  
Ruby snorted and gave Belle her no alcohol margarita.  
"Who wants a margarita?!"  
Soon everyone was going to the brunette for one. Thankfully Emma sneaked one and when Regina noticed it was far to late. Emma stuck her tongue out to the brunette and was surprised when the former mayor repeated her act. Regina settled her chair between Emma and Ruby. Emma wasn't planning to get wasted but damn Ruby's margaritas where strong. She stared at Regina who was sipping a different drink.  
"What's that?"  
"Piña colada"  
Emma 'oohed' and leaned back softly singing.  
"If you like piñas coladas, getting caught in the rain"  
Belle continued the song softly playing with her straw.  
"If you're not into yoga, if you have half a brain"  
Then Ruby screamed.  
"If you like making love at midnight in the dunes on the cape! Now Regina!"  
Regina glared and grumbled under her breath.  
"I'm surrounded by idiots...  
(Sigh and then sang) I'm the love that you've looked for write to me and escape"  
Elsa giggled as Emma cheered.  
"CAUSE IF YOU LIKE PIÑA COLADAS! GETTIN' CAUGHT IN THE RAIN! IF YOU LOVE MAKING LOVE AT MIDNIGHT-!"  
"EMMA! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP SCREECHING PORN!"  
Came the voice of MaryMargaret ad Emma stared back like a child being caught stealing cookies. Ruby barked a laugh throwing her head back. Even Jefferson and Victor who where hand in hand with Grace swing her and lifting up stopped to stare before laughing.  
"Shut up whale! Shouldn't you be at the hospital?"  
Emma screamed at the man and the other laughed.  
"Not my shift! Shouldn't the sheriff be sober and working at the ice wall"  
Emma raged.  
"Global warming bit-" she was about to say the B word but a glare burning a hole on the side of her head that she recognized as her mothers glare reminding her of the presence of children made her.  
"I MEAN BEACH!"  
Emma huffed and drowned her drink quickly. She knew the alcohol would hit her harder but she didn't care. As if to show she stood and grabbed another one drowning it. Sean laughed cradling baby Alex away from the blonde.  
"You really are Charming's daughter"  
"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?!" David shouted from his spot a few meters ahead of them. He huffed in frustration as his chair wasn't facing them and he couldn't move. Even though he tried using his  
Healthy limbs but he failed falling to the sand his chair almost knocking baby Neal.  
"David!" Snow scolded rushing to baby Neal instead of her collapsed husband.

"Mom!"  
Regina looked up to see Henry running towards them but knowing he was after Emma. Both smiled at their son.  
"Hey Kid"  
"Hello honey"  
Henry kissed Regina's cheek and hugged Emma as the blonde ruffled his wet hair. He looked up at his blonde mother with eyes full of expectation.  
"Ma! You know how to surf right?"  
Emma laughed.  
"Of course kid! I used to surf all the time!"  
Henry smiled.  
"Awesome so you approve if Felix teaches me right?"  
Emma turned to see Kathryn's adopted child waving at her from the water in a short board. Regina sat up not liking where the conversation was heading at.  
"Ms swan I don't think-"  
Emma slapped Regina's shoulder playfully.  
"Come on Gina, it's fun! Go kid! Hey someone wanna surf, I can poof my surf board"  
Regina rolled he eyes at the term 'poof' and Elsa perked.  
"I don't know how"  
Elsa said shyly and Emma smiled at the blonde.  
"I'll teach you"  
She extended a hand to Elsa to help her sat up. Henry nodded and run to join Felix in the water. Regina glared, her good mood being eliminated completely.  
Emma poofed her long surf board that was perfect for beginners with a wax bar and two swim shirts. She told Elsa to limber up while se waxed the board and added a little sand for friction. Ruby stared at Emma emitting small whimpers, she really wanted to surf but didn't want to leave Belle's side. Her eyes caught a seething Regina and she smirked.  
"You know Reg, jealousy doesn't suit you"  
Regina snapped and glared at the wolf.  
"Shut up Ruby"  
Ruby chuckled and handed her another Piña Colada.  
"You should ask her to teach you, I mean Emma has to grab your butt to teach you, you know that right"  
Regina's mocha eyes blew wide.  
"She has to grab that ice machine ass?!"  
Belle nodded and the brunette drowned her drink.  
Emma and Elsa carried the board to the water. Elsa got on the board since she was the one strapped to it. Emma had shown her how to stand on the sand and now was swimming behind the board pushing it through the waves.  
"Hey! Ms Sheriff!"  
Felix greeted and waved as they got to the deep area. He was in a position much like Emma's but with Henry. Emma grinned at the boy.  
"Who taught you Felix?"  
The boy smiled and nodded to the shore.  
"My dad"  
He said smiling referring to Frederick. Emma grinned.  
"Take care of my boy!"  
Felix laughed and slapped Henry's back.  
"Always Ma'am!"  
A wave came and Emma decided to leave this one to Henry and Felix. She gave the lost boy a nodded and the other grinned before launching Henry on the wave. Emma hold her ground as the wave hit them and Elsa gripped the board tightly. She saw Henry ride the wave and stand for a few seconds before slipping. Pride swelled inside Emma, Short boards where the hardest and the kid was doing great. Felix clapped and cheered at his friend and Henry emerged from the water with a glorious laugh. She saw Regina standing up smiling at their son as Henry got back on the board and went back to Felix going over the waves expertly.  
"You saw me mom?"  
"Yeah kid you were amazing! Let's see if you can do it Elsa!"  
When the perfect wave came Emma pushed the blared forward, placing a hand on Elsa's lower back so she could gain speed. Elsa grabbed the wave and stood up trembling a little before slipping with a small yelp and accidentally freezing a bit of water. The boys laughed lightly and Emma shushed them with a glare before swimming to help her friend.  
"Nice job Elsa!"  
Elsa blushed lightly as Emma helped her up the board again and started pushing her placing her hand again on her lower back.  
On the shore Regina was fuming. She hated Elsa but she hated Emma the most. If it weren't for Emma she wouldn't be feeling like this. It made her so angry that Emma made this inexplicable feelings resurface. She had gotten over Daniel and Robin but the blonde was something else. But what really made her fume was the fact that she couldn't really hate the blonde. Yes, she was defenitly falling for Emma and one thing was clear Regina thought smirking evilly as she saw Emma sending Elsa on another wave.  
The Queen doesn't share.

Regina left her sunglasses on her chair and stood fixing her hair. Why she didn't know, it was going to get wet anyway. She was sober enough for this and this she began stretching. Ruby smirked knowingly.  
"Want me to teach you and have a little play off with Emma and Elsa?"  
Regina thought it over for a minute. If Ruby taught her then she wouldn't seem so inadequate beside Emma and she would beat Elsa. Regina nodded and Ruby squealed. The squealing brunette stopped and looked at her girlfriend for a moment.  
"Babe can I teach Re-"  
Belle nodded before she could finish and Ruby fist pumped. Regina arched a brow, she was already with a swim shirt and had one for Ruby along with a medium size surf board already waxed and sanded.  
Ruby glared at Regina and motion her to pick the board.  
"So, you are whipped"  
Regina muttered as Ruby told her how to stand.  
"Are not!"  
Ruby grumbled.  
"Yes you are"  
Regina pressed getting up.  
"ARE NOT!"  
Suddenly Belle yelled at Ruby.  
"Ruby stop shouting at Regina"  
"Yes babe! Sorry!"  
Regina chuckled stalking passed Ruby going to the water with the board.  
"You totally are wolf"  
"Shut up and get on the thing"

Emma smiled as Henry dominated a wave. He already had the basics and was having blast surfing. Elsa was still learning, the blonde could stand but wasn't comfortable enough to play with the waves.  
Emma submerged into the water and when she came out she saw Regina rowing the board toward her and a very angry Ruby not far behind.  
"Well look who is here"  
Emma chuckled as Elsa ended her wave and Regina settled beside them with Ruby still behind. Regina glared at the blonde.  
"I have to say, you are not a bad teacher, as Henry was trying it I wanted to make sure it was safe"  
"So you don't trust my word?"  
"No"  
Regina said simply lifting her chin which Emma interpreted as a challenge with an arch if brow. Emma whistled to Elsa to come to her. Regina held her gaze to Emma starting their challenge silently. Ruby who was cursing under her breath because she had to catch up to Regina's fast pace now stood still watching the tension flare up. It was stares like that, that made Ruby feel like she was on a time travel trip to the year of Emma's Swan arrival. Elsa slowly pulled up beside Ruby and whispered only for the wolf to hear.  
"This is what you meant That time at the diner?"  
Ruby nodded and Elsa let out a breathy.  
"Daaaaaaaaaamn girl"  
Before swimming to Emma.  
Emma and Ruby settled behind their respective boards ready to push them to the first suitable waves.  
As then pair dominated more waves it was obvious to Emma that Regina was trying to beat Elsa in surf.  
Emma grunted a bit as she pushed Elsa into another wave. It wasn't that the blonde couldn't catch one in her own but the long board was heavy and Emma liked to give her a little push. Regina smirked as she could catch a wave on her own. Felix and Henry had long retired nearer to the shore to keep playing water fights with Kris and Anna.  
She swam a little bit closer to Ruby as the woman finished the wave and started to swim towards them.  
"Hey what's up with Regina? Is just me or is she acting weird?"  
Ruby stared at her dumbfounded.  
"You two are unbelievable"  
The wolf sighed.  
Emma lifted her brows.  
Regina and Elsa got to them and Emma smiled to Elsa grabbing the nose of the board. Regina fumed silently as she reposition the board to catch another wave.  
"Hey let's make this the last and you two need to grab the wave alone"  
Regina challenged at Elsa with a glare and the blonde held it wavering a bit. Emma felt a cold shiver. This was really going to be the last wave of the day. They should be heading home soon. Regina saw a good wave coming and started to row, Elsa nervously copied the action and they both caught the wave. Regina whipped her head, her wet hair slapping her like little whips on the face while she glared at Elsa. She saw the fright in Elsa's ice blue eyes and Regina cursed under her breath as she took matters in hand. She made her board turn ridding the wave side ways and saw the tube coming. She placed a hand on the cold water drawing slightly as she went through the tube. Elsa kept diagonally as she tried to control her board. Regina saw the rocks that marked the end of the beach and made a swift turn to the shore. Regina yelped as she suddenly hit Elsa's board. Elsa screamed as she fell her magic shooting everywhere. An ice shard flew and hit Regina on the head knocking her out cold. Emma froze, her eyes going white as her desperation and magic took over.  
"REGINA!"  
Emma dashed trudging the water, she stumbled and fell into the murky water but with a few arm lap she emerged and kept trudging.  
Elsa was holding Regina above the water and Emma ripped the brunette off the IceQueen arms.  
"She's freezing!"  
Emma checked and saw the group had nearly realized what happened. But Snow was trying to see what happened. Emma panicked and picked Regina up bride style.

Regina was freezing, how long till the ice got to her heart?

She trudge out of the water and settled Regina on the sand kneeling beside and hovering over her. She slapped Regina across the face lightly.  
"Come on Regina wake up!"  
She shoved her finger under Regina's nose and notice that she wasn't breathing. Emma placed her head on Regina's chest and listen the faint beating heart. She attempt to get the water out of Regina's system by using CPR.  
She pressed her hands on Regina's chest and pressed. Emma heard her mother asking what was going on.  
"Come on Regina don't die, or freeze on me"  
She opened the brunette's mouth and placed her lips to pump some oxygen into the body but the second their lips touch, Emma felt a shiver and a gasp. The blonde felt the hands beside her twitching coming back to life and slide up her arms and wrap around her waist. Emma moaned lightly as a familiar silky tongue stroke hers and supple lips deepened the bond.  
Regina hummed and hugged Emma close flushing their bodies together making both moan louder.

"MMMM yeah, beach porn"  
At the familiar voice Emma sprang up making Regina fall on her with her head falling between the blondes boobs. Ruby smirked and Elsa was as pale as her own ice. Emma gulped as her eyes settled down to their normal green hue. Ruby turned to see Snow rushing towards them.  
"If I where you guys I would spring apart before M&amp;M comes and sees you, she'll die from a heart attack"  
Regina smirked burring her face deeper into the breast making Emma blush crimson.  
"I'm rather comfortable here, wolf"  
Emma gulped and gently pushed a pouting Regina away. And damn if pouting Regina wasn't adorable then what was?  
"Come on Regina"  
Regina sighed and stood up.  
"As you wish Ms Swan, HENRY!"  
The boy who was playing, halted and perked.  
"Yeah?"  
Regina softened up and smiled.  
"I'm leaving sweetheart, you come with me or stay here with Ms Swan"  
Henry chuckled at the term knowing Emma was in trouble when his other mother used the term 'Ms Swan'.  
"Ill catch a ride from Felix Ma, bye ya! See you at home!"  
Regina waved a little before tuning at the smirking wolf and glared flashing her middle finger before disappearing in a puff of purple smoke.  
Snow appeared behind Ruby and used the wolfs sturdy shoulders to support her self as she catches her breath.  
"Holy cow that was a long run"  
Ruby scoffed.  
"We are like 10 meters away from the group and I'm pretty sure you stumbled and fell at some point"  
Snow glared.  
"How about you get pregnant and then completely out of shape and then add some depressing Nicolas sparks movies that make you want to eat the whole ice cream shop, that now you have to go out of town to get because that Snow Queen Bitch is doing community service!"  
Snow said hurriedly making Elsa come back to life glaring at snow.  
"Hey! That is my aunt you are talking about!"  
Snow glared back.  
"Well she should have left her ice cream shop opened!"  
Ruby laughed and hugged Snow  
"come on, I'll take you for ice cream"

Regina threw on her trench-coat and  
picked her keys. Checking her reflexion on the mirror she called to Henry.  
"Henry! I'm off to pick the delivery at granny's"  
She stopped at the door when Henry called her. Worried, Regina went up the stairs to find her son at his bathroom looking at himself in the mirror. Regina held a breath, she already had the talk with Henry. Let just say that not having a dick like Henry made the experience weird. Mensis she could explain, now male masturbation was a bit harder. Lucky for her Henry was inspecting his stubbled chin. He looked at her with troubled eyes and a faint tint of red appeared on his cheeks.  
"Do, can you teach me how to, ah, shave?"  
Regina let go of her breath and smiled.  
"Of course but wouldn't you prefer David? Or Felix?"  
"Grandpa broke his arm remember?"  
Regina said an oh right and took off her trench coat. She took a the shave cream and a razor explaining Henry how to properly use it.  
She shaved her legs how different could it be from the face?

Emma finished eyeing through the paper at Granny's and called Ruby to pay.  
The waitress gave her the change and smiled. When Emma stood Ruby stopped her.  
"Hey Ems, can you take this to Regina's? She's late... And you know she is never late so..."  
She handed the delivery to the blonde and Emma took it with a nod. Hopefully this would be a good excuse to talk to the brunette about their kiss in the beach.  
Emma arrived to the mansion and knocked the door. When no one answered she invited herself in as she did many times in the past. Let's just say that Regina and her had become very good friends, yes that one night stand set them back a little but Emma felt that she wasn't over stepping any boundaries.  
"Reg? Hen?  
Yellow?!"  
Emma said and no one answered. That's when she heard a noise upstairs. Leaving the food in the kitchen she sneaked upstairs. Slowly she approached the bathroom door that was slightly open. She held a gasp when she saw what was happening. Regina and Henry had their face covered in shaving foam and Regina was telling Henry how to shave as she showed him with her own razor on her face. Emma snapped a picture of them oblivious before opening the door slowly surprising them and snapping another one. Regina and Henry gaged at the blonde as this one laughed staring at her phone.  
"This is literally the cutest picture ever"  
"Ms Swan give me that Phone!"  
Regina pounced on Emma trying to get the phone but Emma extended the phone out of her reach and laughed. Regina kept trying climbing on Emma, she tried to be serious and intimidating but slowly her true feelings broke and she laughed playing with the blonde.  
Henry smiled lightly before punching on Emma too who said it was unfair to team up.  
Henry laughed.  
This was his family.

**Thoughts?**  
**Ideas?**  
**What do you want to see?**  
**Comment**!


	6. Chapter 6

**News update, I want a boyfriend**  
**E.D**

Ruby whistled the classic disney dwarf working song from the movie version as she served the dwarves some coffee. Most of them smiled except Leroy who was per usual sporting a hard ass hangover migraine and glared murderously at the waitress making this one chuckle. There was a bell jingling and a cold breeze and Elsa came rushing after her usual opening. She panted as she run to the brunette and as the bar was occupied she pushed sleepy off her stool and sat on it.  
"Sorry!"  
She said to the now sleeping dwarf on the floor. Anna came after Elsa and step aside the dwarf.  
Ruby let a small laugh with wide eyes as the two twins caught there breath. Anna obviously started to babble before she even could catch a breath.  
"We-... Happens - ice... Pphhhssheheewwwww and baaaoowm Regina, 360 no scope head shot"  
Elsa panting lifted her hand for a high five that Anna gave and Ruby snorted.  
"Jeez twins from Gayrandelle take a breather"  
Elsa and Anna glared but followed the advice. The dwarves just stared at them before paying and leaving for the wall, finally giving Anna a chance to sit down.  
Elsa took a deep breath and spoke finally to Ruby.  
"I think Emma is Regina's true love"  
Ruby eyes blew opened.  
"Yeah, and I won the lottery"  
Elsa huffed.  
"I'm serious Ruby!"  
"No, yeah me too, but Granny kept the money since the last party we broke loads of shit so, I don't mind it's StoryBrooke lottery, I mean it's like 30 bucks, which yeah it's nice, but still"  
Explained while cleaning the bar uninterested. Anna gasped and clapped.  
"That's so exciting Ruby! Congratulations! Not In your grandmother taking the money, I mean it sucks that your grandmother gets to keep it, but also we broke a lot a of stuff so it's the correct thing she keeps it-"  
"Aaaanyway, you mean you already knew this? Congrats by the way"  
Ruby stopped cleaning and looked at her friend.  
"I don't think it was, Elsa"  
"Ruby!  
It was true loves kiss I'm telling you! That the only way you can cure someone who is being thawed"  
Elsa practically yelled with Anna nodding in agreement.  
"Then how come there wasn't any fireworks or light spectacle?"  
Ruby countered.  
"Maybe because they don't know it yet or won't admit it or they don't want people to know they fucked you know?"  
Anna said hurriedly in a harsh whisper.  
"How nice of the true love kiss to be so subtle for them"  
Ruby huffed sarcastically rolling her eyes.  
"Look Ruby, she was being frozen the only thing that helps is true loves kiss! Regina proved it since she couldn't free Marian, my Aunt had to do it"  
Ruby pondered over it for a minute. The ice machine was right. It was the only way.  
"So The Savior and The Evil Queen, Psh those are more cliche than The Beauty and The Beast, stupid asshole Emma"  
Ruby grumbled as she cleaned the bar more roughly. The twins looked at each other worriedly.  
"So... What do we do? Aren't we going to like join them?"  
Anna asked slightly confused and Ruby barked a laugh.  
"Oh girls, with those two is better to leave them alone but we can give them a little push"  
Ruby said mischievously making Elsa and Anna lean closer. Ruby waggled her eyes and whispered her plans to the twins.

Emma entered the dinner adjusting her black leather jacket and greet the people inside the dinner. Ruby grinned and set the usual hot chocolate topped with cinnamon and an apple turn over. Emma sighed as she sat on her stool and groaned to her friend.  
"Oh Ruby I'm so tired, I need a new deputy, I swear mom is making the department work extra hard to look for rumple AND THE DEPARTMENT IT'S ONLY ONE PERSON RUBY, ME! she says that his disappearance is part of a master plan or something but I don't know, since Hook left him, I guess Brain went looking for a new Pinky or something"  
Emma complained resting on the counter. Ruby smiled at her friend.  
"Hey, if I'll see someone with potential, I'll tell them to contact you okay?"  
Emma lifted her head and grinned up. Emma felt so blessed to have friends like Ruby that would always support her and not fuck her up.  
"So did you talk to Regina?"  
And then there they went fucking her up.  
Emma sigh her face gloomy again.  
"Regina is like a Rubix cube, which by the way I could never solve one of those fuckers, I have one on my bed stand... Unsolved... Laughing at me every time I see it...with all it's colors, unorganized"  
Ruby stared as her friend started to glare distantly at a memory. Worried that Emma might stay on that permanent glare Ruby snapped her fingers in front of Emma effectively bringing Swan back to earth. Emma shook her head and smiled at Ruby.  
"well I'm off to go rumple hunting, see ya later alligator"  
Ruby snorted as Emma lifted from the stool.  
"God that's old and terrible"  
Emma glared as she threw a  
"Oh shut up or I'll sue you to da police!"  
At Ruby over her shoulder before stalking off the diner.  
"You are the police idiot!"  
Ruby yelled after her and Emma gave her the finger. When the blonde was out of sight Ruby alerted her girlfriend that her part in the plan was done.

Belle read the message on her phone and sighed. Henry appeared from the kitchen cradling a bowl of cereal sporting a bed head and swimming trunks with a nirvana band shirt. The boy smiled at her while munching his cereal before he sleepily moved to the den. Belle followed him and stared at him as he sat down and watched tv. Belle cleared her throat.  
"Henry, your mother is still sleeping?"  
The boy turned to stare at her with narrowed eyes groggily. He had opened the door for her and then he was really hungry so he had to eat. Henry eyes belle and shrugged.  
"I don't know, you should check her room, she usually sleeps late"  
And so Belle went up the stairs and into the queen's lair. She snorted at her poetic mind as she opened the door and found Regina sprawled on her queen sized bed, sleeping in a tank top and yoga pants entangled in her velvet sheets and snoring lightly. Belle walked to the window and opened the blinds hoping to get a reaction from Regina. Which she got. As the sun rays hit the slumbering body, a swift flick of a hand happened and the blinds went right down again.  
"I suggest you to leave unless you want me to thrust a pogo stick up your ass dear"  
Belle walked were the brown eyes could see her and gave her a lopsided smile that was so adorable that Regina almost, almost gave a fuck. Almost.  
"Mrs Lucas leave. Now"  
Belle sat beside the beast and petted Regina on the head. Her heart had swelled at the words.  
"Aw you called me Mrs Lucas! Regina!"  
Regina lifted her head to face Belle and gave her a snarl before she produced a pogo stick.  
"Leave or I'm standing and-"  
Belle quickly slipped her arms under Regina and picked her up. Sheets included but leaving the pogo stick solitaire on the ground.  
"How strong are you for a pregnant woman?!"  
Regina yelped and waved her arms making Belle squeeze her harder on her stomach. Regina gasped for air her arms going limb from extortion of energy.  
"Ms-belle...how...fucking...god"  
Belle laughed and stomped to Regina's bathroom. Each stomped made Regina gasp and yelp.  
Belle dropped her in her bath tub and opened the tap with cold water.  
"BELLE DONT Y-FUCK THATS COLD"  
Regina gaped and glared and the cutely grinning brunette who was happy with her assignment. Suddenly the water started to sizzle and evaporate upon contact on Regina's olive skin. Regina nostrils flared and her eyes turn purple but instead of intimidating belle it made her laugh and snap a picture with her phone.  
"Oh Regina you look like a wet cat"  
"I'm going to burn you"  
Belle winked and popped her ass and bit her index finger.  
"Burn baby burn! Disco inferno! And by the way I'm on my fourth month, bloody hell I'm not an invalid"  
Regina rolled her eyes and took off her wet pijamas. Belle winked at her and left the bathroom, from the door she called.  
"Regina I found you a job.. Opportunity"  
"interview and Oh really?"  
Belle smirked and threw a glance to the bathroom.  
"Yup and I think you are going to like it"

And so Belle drove Regina to the sherif station. Regina gripped the seat of the hippie Volkswagen van and stared petrified at Belle.  
"Are you fucking kidding me French?"  
Belle shook her head at the woman she considered one of her closet friends and got out of her rent van.  
Regina grumpily got out of the van like a kid who just got denied of candy. Belle grabbed her hand and dragged her into the station. As they entered, Belle mailed Regina's picture to her friends but added a special message at the bottom of the picture in the mail for a particular friend, it said 'Snow Gina is in the station now, expect soon'.  
Belle pushed Regina forward as they entered the sheriff office where the found the one and only, sexy, Sherif Swan with her tongue poking out slightly as she wrote down paper work. Regina squirmed on place a tad uncomfortable as she became more aroused by Emma while Belle grinned and clapped her hands getting everyone's attention. Emma smiled and put her pen down.  
"Hey, Hi, what can I help you with?"  
Before Belle could speak Emma blurted.  
"Wait is it Henry? No Rumple? No wait rumple appeared and took Henry! Oh my god another dragon or witch or princess let's go!"  
Quickly Emma jumped off her chair and got her black leather jacket. Belle waved her arms and stopped the blonde.  
"No, no, no, no! We came for the deputy opening"  
Emma relaxed with a small 'oh' and she draped her jacket back on the back of her chair.  
"Okay, who will be my lucky new deputy?"  
Belle smiled and pushed Regina forward and Regina stood straighter but did not dare to look at the blonde in the eye.  
Emma stared at both and her grin slowly grew before she fell into a full energy laugh that had her clutch her stomach and throw her head back.  
While she cleaned her tears she saw that no one else was laughing and that they where very serious.  
"Wait, really? ...okay"  
Emma sobered and said and Regina arched a brow.  
"Okay?"  
The brunette questioned and Emma nodded.  
"Yeah I need the extra help and you got magic, and you were looking for a job so, welcome deputy Mills"  
Emma extended her hand to Regina and this one took it with a please smile. Emma hooked the badge to Regina's slacks.  
StoryBrooke had a new sexy deputy in town.

_Mean while_

David sat on his wheel chair reading his captain America comic on the side of the room while sipping his grape juice excitedly. Snow sat on her mayoral chair and stroke baby Neal Godfather style as it laid on her arm and smiled mischievously. Her intercom beeped and Elsa's voice came through.  
"Mayor Snow there's a new deputy in the station"  
Snow smiled and pressed the button.  
"Oh Elsa I know, and now The firemen aren't the only department filled with sexy people"  
She laughed maliciously and David gaped a little frighten before getting offended.  
"HEY!"  
Snow gave him a sweet smile.  
"You are the sexiest honey, Elsa call the Sherif to come in with her Deputy"

**A.N**  
**Don't hate me**  
**I love you**  
**Deputy Regina?!**  
**Ohmmmmyyy**  
**Who would call the police more often**  
***lifts hand***

**And thinks that Wheelchair Charming is adorable? I picture him like a super excited little kid!**


	7. Chapter 7

Drunken Kiss  
**CHECK OUT MY NEW AWESOME EPIC STORY THATS IS GOING TO DELAY ALL THE REST!**  
_**ELEMENTARY MY DEAR SWAN! in wattpad coming soon to Fanfiction net**_

**Ch7**

Emma sat on her chair, boots on the desk and arms behind her head swaying lightly waiting for Regina to change into her uniform. Emma knew they weren't obligated into the uniform part of the job but the brunette insisted that she should at least wear something accord the uniform and not her slacks with heels. Emma didn't doubt that if the situation rise the brunette would go into full attack mode running with or without heels. Hell, Emma even thought there was a moment when Regina actually did that. Regina adjusted her trench coat. She decided to use the uniforms leather like vest with while she kept her slacks and changed her high heels into boots... With heels.  
She placed her badge proudly on the vest pocket and took a deep breath.  
"Come on, deputy, Deputy Regina Mills "  
She whispered to herself before walking out of the room and took her trench coat hanging it on the hook.  
Emma sat straighter, because damn if Regina didn't look fucking gorgeous. As always, well Regina looked gorgeous in anything but that vest made her look classy and fantastic. And sexy.  
Regina smirked and posed a little.  
"I take your drool that I'm looking good eh? Ms Swan"  
At this Emma dried it off and before she could retort the phone rang. Regina zoomed and picked it up, she was really excited by this new job. She was the fucking police!  
"Hello Sherif department, Deputy Mills speaking"  
Emma's stomach buzzed and then it when between her thighs, seriously Regina as a police. It was the blondes fantasy and the summary of a freaking good porno.  
"Well somebody likes their new job"  
Said the persons at the end of the line and Regina rolled her eyes annoyed.  
"What do you want ice machine?"  
"Mayor Snow needs you, like now"  
Regina nodded and hang up.  
She turn to Emma smirking.  
"Mayor calls"  
She said simply and Emma huffed getting up and stretching. She picked her jacket and pulled it on while Regina grabbed her trench coat. The walked out of the department, Emma stopping briefly to lock and then they went to the cruiser. Emma felt so bad ass walking like this with Regina because she knew that their powers combined they were freaking unstoppable. Not even the moon could handle this. Emma got into the drivers while Regina was co-pilot.  
"Open the gauntlet"  
Emma said excitedly and Regina arched a brow but did it anyway.  
She took out two sets of cases and gave one to Emma. Emma nodded to it excitedly and Regina opened it to find a pair of aviator glasses, she looked at Emma expectantly.  
"We give the deputies one, Graham gave me those when I was deputy, then I changed into the sherif ones and those are now yours"  
Emma explained smiling and Regina returned it, feeling so welcomed into this job unlike her job as mayor. Emma turned on the car and turned the radio were 'Back In Black' played loudly and they drove onto Snows office.  
And if Emma felt badass before, she felt much more now. Together with Regina head banging to Back in Black drifting through the poor transited streets of StoryBrooke. Try to over ride them, you cant, they're the fuckin' PO-LICE. They parked and got out and for Emma 'Back in Black' was still playing on her head and they walked like they owned the town but it felt like slow motion. As if thinking the same cinematic Regina used her magic to open the door and they made an entrance.  
They ignored Elsa and Regina kept walking while Emma made a quick stop and slapped a piece of paper off the desk making it fly. Regina smirked and snapped her fingers making all the papers in the desk fly and Emma speed up her pace to keep up with her partner.  
Mmmhmm bitches they were partners!  
Meanwhile Elsa threw her hands up, in slow motion, yelling.  
"Are you fuckin' serious?!"  
The door to Snow's office went open with a swift of magic and in strutted the sherif department finally snapping out of their slow motion epic ness. Regina crossed her arms and Emma took her shades off with a slight hair whip.  
"Mayor Snow... You called"  
Snow was totally unfazed with a 'are you fucking kidding me face' cradling baby Neal swinging him trying to calm him down.  
"Really Emma did you have to walk slow like an idiot and seriously I expect as much from my daughter but from you too Regina"  
Regina shrugged.  
"Good thing you accepted that idiocy is a family thing"  
"Henry has charming blood"  
"But I raised him therefore he is 80% percent Mills and avoided the idiocy!"  
Regina snarled and it was snow who shrugged.  
"70 Mills -30 Charming"  
Regina took a step forward.  
"80 Mills -20 Charmingp"  
"75-"  
"OH MY GOD STOP!"  
Emma finally erupted and then she glared at Regina.  
"I'm not an idiot"  
This time not only Snow was giving her the 'are you fucking kidding me' face but also Regina.  
"Do you really want to go there Swan"  
Emma whined again.  
"HEY, I'm your boss!"  
"Well technically I'm your boss"  
Snow jumped in and Emma and Regina glared. Snow smirked as she had won the discussion.  
"Yes, I own yo asses"  
Regina rolled her eyes.  
"Snow don't use that language is disgusting"  
Snow recoiled.  
"Sorry step mommy"  
She said in a small voice and Regina smiled smugly.  
Regina 1, Snow youalmosthaditzero.  
"Okay, why did you call us"  
Emma asked tired from their own stupidity.  
Snow perked and smiled at Regina.  
"I wanted to congratulate Reg! Oh and that oh, you need to teach her how to use a gun, Emma"  
Emma dug her hands into her back pockets and nodded, while Regina paled.

"I still don't understand why? I mean I've got magic Ms Swan! For the gods!"  
Emma threw her head back and cursed under her breath. She had drives Regina into a place in the woods that was reformed for target practice by the MerryMen. She had a talk with little john and he let her a sector all for her practice with Regina.  
"Regina, you need to use a gun, okay? You would look hot with one anyway"  
Emma muttered the last part under her breath so her deputy wouldn't hear it as she settled the metal target, when She was done she cleaned her hands.  
"I think you are going to like these, oh and I have to ask you"  
Emma paused briefly to se Regina preparing the gun just like Emma told her to. She had left her trench coat in the car and was with her white shirt and leather vest.  
"Ah, have to ask you, if you good stamina"  
Regina smirked and swayed to Emma and leaned into the blonde's personal space to whisper in her ear.  
"Oh believe me when I say, that I got stamina Ms Swan"  
Emma gulped and shushed an.  
"I know"  
Emma recomposed herself from that slight shot of arousal that Regina always provoked her and turned to face Regina. She thought of Regina's touch and the way their bodies moved against each other.  
"Okay stand next to the car, that's like 10 meters from the target we'll try from there"  
Regina nodded and walked to her spot.  
Emma checked on the squared, metallic target and when she was satisfied she walked next to Regina.  
When she stood behind the brunette, she gave her a thumps up and Regina pointed the gun.  
The gun trembled a little bit as Regina took a deep breath and let it go softly. When she thought she had it, she glared and pulled the trigger.  
_Trick_.  
Regina tried again.  
_Trick_.  
"What?!"  
Regina looked at the gun confused and Emma chuckled.  
"You got the safe on"  
Regina glared at the blonde like it was all her fault and this one put his hands up in surrender. Regina reposition herself and took another deep breath. The gun begun to tremble again and Emma frowned and hesitated a bit before slithering her arm around Regina's waist.  
"It's okay"  
Regina relax at the sound of Emma's soft voice against her ear. Regina's lips tug upwards and she confidently pulled the trigger of the 9'mm gun.  
First came the _bang_ and then the satisfactory, _ting_ that signaled Regina hit the target.  
Emma smiled proudly and Regina smirked smugly.  
"Almost bullseye"  
Emma said before she whistled.  
Emma then proceeded to explain to Regina how to change the clip, then the brunette proceeded to shoot the metal. Once Regina got comfortable, Emma set more targets which their bulls eyes where from different colors in tress and standing before setting some small little colored flags. The objective was to run to the color flag and shoot the target with the same color. Regina could hit the targets almost flawlessly but with a gracefulness that Emma couldn't ignore.  
"Well, I have a target for you that you might enjoy shooting, let those Evil Queen feels resurface"  
Regina arched a brow as she caught her breath. She felt little drops of sweat forming in her forehead.  
Emma took out a Disney Snow White life size cardboard doll and set it. Regina let a small chuckled and smirked at the sherif. Emma smiled and held her finger.  
"Not done yet, your majesty"  
Emma took a red spray paint and gave it a shake, stirring up the paint. With a hand that Regina never suspected Emma to have, the blonde starting to paint a pair of horns on the cartoon. Then Emma drew a mustache and a unibrow.  
"Beautiful"  
Emma said the word drawing it out as much as she could. Then she walked to Regina with a huge beaming smile and Regina smiled back with her own much smaller smile.  
"Now let that Evil Queen show...dress included if you want"  
Regina looked back to Emma with a knowing smirk before looking at Emma up and down making the blonde blush. Regina then focused on the target and closed her eyes to relieve all those years, before the curse and then she gripped those feeling and held to them. She opened her eyes which flashed purples and shoot quickly and precisely.

_Bang, tack_  
_Bang, tack_  
_Bang, tack_

When Regina turned to look at her teacher she saw Emma gaping in awe.  
"Holy shit Regina"  
Emma walked up to the target and inspected the bullet punctures. There was one head shot, another on the heart and lastly one on the stomach. Emma frown and questioned Regina.  
"Were you thinking, like before the curse"  
Regina pursed her lips confused and nodded.  
"Yes, why?"  
Emma gasped obviously offended.  
"Was that supposed to be for me?!"  
She pointed at the bullet on the stomach. Regina smirked and laughed, covering her mouth.  
Emma slowly broke into a grin and laughed with the beautiful brunette.  
"Sorry dear, force of habit"

**A.N**  
**Whatcha think?**


	8. YEEH

Each time authors gender bend Daniel the stable boy, I picture the actor with the worst long hair wig ever and just like momentarily swiping the locks away from his face because the wig is terrible-  
How is it? Marian, Miriam, Marion, Morian... Seriously... I read all of these and I don't know which one is correct-ED

Ch8

"_Emma...oh emma!"_

_Regina moaned deeply from her position on the wooden floor, pushing the face harder into her core by the golden hair. Emma purred from her position between Regina's thighs and kept making her queen reach extasis. She felt the slick walls clench around her fingers and Emma smirked victoriously as she curled her fingers and gave her lover one las deep thrust making her reach her high. Regina screamed her name arching her back before falling back down._

_Emma smiled as she popped up and crossed her arms on top of Regina's stomach and held her chin there._

_"How was that?"_

_Emma snickered and waggled her eyebrows. Regina half lidded her eyes and stared at Emma with a soft satisfied smile._

_"Perfect"_

_She mewled before stretching. Emma laughed and went up to lay beside the brunette. Regina slowly opens her eyes and meets a strange view. She frowns._

_"Emma honey, why are you still clothed?"_

_Emma shakes her head slightly narrowing her eyes at the older woman._

_"What do you mean step-Grammy?"_

_Grammy?_

_"What"_

_Emma laughs and sits up on the bed leaning against the head board._  
_Bed? Regina was pretty sure her back was moments ago against a hard boarded wooden floor. Regina panics when she realize she's in her room but it's much grayer than usual._

_"Did you just called me your grandma?"_

_Emma smiled cutely._

_"But of course! You should slip your shawl on Grammy as you know-"_  
_Suddenly Emma's voice became low and manly as she continued._

_"Winter is coming"_

_"But we already are in winter!"_

_Regina snarled back on her defense._  
_Suddenly a orange wool of hair appeared from beneath the bed and the figure slowly stood up. There standing was Archie dressed as a clown, face painted and red ball nose included. But unlike the friendly man this Archie was wearing a grim expression._

_"No we are not, look"_

_He pointed at the window in a daze and Regina saw small flecks of white dancing outside._

_"Happy birthday Snow"_

_The man said and Emma clapped her hands and smiled._

_"What the fu-"_

_Regina's interrupted by a loud bang and the sound of wood being destroyed. She snapped her head in time to see the blade of and axe before it disappeared. The axe strike again and she flinched when she saw bits of wood fly from the door. She pushed Emma down on the bed to protect her but Emma didn't seem faced at all if not she was smiling wildly and slowly clapping her hands. Archie in the other hand seemed bored._

_Suddenly Snow appeared pressing her face through the opening she just created and smiled manically._

_"CHALUPAS!"_

_She screamed and down came the door. She stepped inside with her axe wearing her Enchanted Forest cloths Regina had seen countless times as she chased Snow through the forest._  
_Snow looked at Regina and she raged like a mad bull._

_"WHERES MY PONY REGINA?!"_

_She raised her axe and ran to the former mayor. A wild, little girl scream escaped from Regina's lips before she could even help it._

Regina sat up from her bed, heaving a she recovered from her dream. Her silk pajamas were stuck to her body with the help of an excessive amount of sweat that covered all of Regina's body.  
Finally closing her eyes and calming her heart Regina searched for her phone in the poor illuminated room. Once she picked it she sighed at the hour and got ready for work. She quickly padded to Henry's room but then remembered her son was with her other mother.  
She got into the shower ready to forget the weird part of her dream, the Emma going down on her part not so much as she smile and her hand slowly went south.

Emma for her part had a nice morning, she didn't have to worry about Henry since the boy said he was spending the night at Felix.  
Emma entered the sheriff station singing to herself as she went to fetch a soda from the vending machine.

"I'm gonna pop some cans only got like"  
She briefly checks her wallet.  
"5 dollars in my wallet, I don't care cause it's 1 dolla, this is fucking awesome"

She finished pressing the button that produced a bzzzzt and then a pop, click-clunk and a soda appeared at the bottom of the machine like magic. Emma caught it with a smile and walked into the room.  
Regina sat at the phone desk reading her magazine and gave no acknowledgement that she heard the sherif. She looked up when Emma plopped down on her leather chair making a farting noise and sipped her cola happily.

"Sherif"

"Deputy, anything new?"

Regina shook her head and dropped the magazine on the desk. But in the end she sighed and rubbed her brows. Her sex dream about Emma didn't help her morning and her body was still tensed about it. Not to mention the subject of the whole dream was sitting beside her.

"The phones have been ringing but the callers aren't saying anything coherent. I think they are picking the stupidest things just to call the police"

Emma laughed and took a long sip.

"Well apparently even crime is attracted to you"

Emma blushed because of her slip up but attempted to seem cool like it wasn't a slip. In the other hand Regina was smirking victoriously.

"Oh really Sheriff-"

Suddenly the phone rang and the two women had a staring scene to see who would get the phone. They felt the Kill Bill song go through them just as Emma fished the phone swatting Regina's hand out of the way and answered receiving a glare from Regina.

"Sheriff office- oh hi Anna, wasaaaaaaaaaaa"

Regina arched a brow amused as Emma screamed 'wasa' sticking her tongue out like a dog and making her voice crack... Like a crack addict. She was pretty sure that under the sheriff's scream there was smilier one belonging to the Gayrandelle twin.

"-aaaaaa up? HE WHAT? Okay B-R-T "

She hanged up and Regina looked expectantly at her.  
Regina lifted a brow.

"What's BRT some kind of code name!"

"Leroy naked in the ice rink, get your shades Burt Mackling FBI, we gotta a crime"

Emma decided to announced that rather than answering the brunette's original question. Regina pulled a face in disgust.

"Aren't the pre schoolers going to that rink?"

"Oh dear mother Mary and JESUS Christ SuperStar! See? their poor minds are at our hands, soo get moving Mackling"

Emma rushed to the car leaving Regina to actually pick the car keys.

"I'm Regina Mills not Burt Mackling... Who the Fuck is Burt Mackling!? Did this town start having codes and nobody told me?!"

Emma ignored her and kept running down the hallway.  
Regina sighed and face palm.

"I guess it's another 'let's ignore Regina' day isn't it?"

She grumbled and went after the blonde.

They got into the car and Emma clapped.

"Get the swag mobile going! TO THE 'Anna and Kristoff fun-fun ice skating park-  
Powered and maintained by Aunt Ingrid's frosty Ice-cream Magic ice-cream parlor!"

Regina gave her a weird look and turned the ignition starting the car, while Emma turned the radio.  
The car ride had less swagger than the first one but hell their arrival was one just like from the CSI Miami.  
They arrived at the scene walking in and taking off their glasses. Sure enough there was a performance. A naked performance.

"oh my go-"

That was all Regina could say before she felt her breakfast rise up to her mouth. Chandelier sounded around the rink. Reina kept dry heaving pushing back down the bike while Emma ignored Regina and took her teaser. She slapped Regina's back and smirk.

"Let's do this bitch"

She ran to the ice rink without thinking and the moment her boots touched the ice she skidded a few meters before she slipped and fell to her ass.

"FUCK!"

Regina snapped up and her body surged to help the blonde without thinking.

"Emma!"

Emma turned in panic and stretched her hand to stop her halted at the door to enter the rink and she carefully took short balanced steps towards the blonde.  
Once she got there she helped Emma up, which was a much harder task than it looked. They fell together a pair of times before they could successfully stand up.  
Once they were up Emma have Regina and nod and this one gave another. Regina took out her own teaser and together, slowly and balanced, approached the skating exhibionist. They had to say for a drunk, naked dwarf Leroy knew how to skate pretty damn good.

The law enforcement slowly focused on Leroy but he man moved to damn fast and they didn't have a secure shot.

"He moves to damn fast!"

Regina yelled to Emma frustrated and received a stupid laugh from the dancing man.

"Oh shut up midget you have nothing to be proud of from what you are showing!"

Regina snapped and Emma agreed with a nod.

"Don't worry I got an idea"

Emma kneeled and undid her boot and slid her foot from it. Slowly and with keen eye, Emma aimed for Leroy's head. Regina face palmed again as she realized what the sherif was attempting to do.

Emma threw her boot just in the right time and hit Leroy on the head knocking him out.

"BOOM! HEADSHOT!"

Emma screamed victoriously with a celebratory fist pump. Leroy now had a nasty cut on his forehead and couldn't get up. The sherif cautiously walked to Leroy and turned the injured man snapping cuffs on his hands.

"Mission accomplished-AAAH!-"

Emma said that as she pulled Leroy up but both of them slipped and lost her balance making them fall back down, Leroy on top of Emma. Regina rolled her eyes and tugged the man up to his feet from the neck before pushing him towards the cruiser.  
Emma was left alone to get up and talk to Anna.

In the other side of town.

Snow swayed around her office humming to an unknown tune as she read over proposals. Little Charming and Papa Charming were left at the care of Aurora as she worked for the day. Sometimes mommies needed their day alone too, even if they had to work through their alone time.

Behind the doors of the office, on a neat desk sat Elsa using Tinder in her phone. She sighed as she 'NOPED' the dwarves for the 5th time since downloaded the App. Her finger hovered over the face of Will Scarlet. Well it was Friday night, she was up for some fooling around. She quickly swiped to the right and didn't hesitate to be the one initiating the conversation. She smiled when she saw the man answering her eagerly.

Suddenly there was a loud bang and before Elsa could react a gang of kids wearing red mask assaulted her! With bullets! Made out of paint! Elsa yelled in pain. The kids busted through the mayors office and attacked the mayor.

Snow gasped and one of the boys yelled.

"HANDS IN THE AIR!"

Snow obeyed and the boy snickered.

"NOW WAVE THEM SIDE TO SIDE LIKE YOU DONT CARE"

Snow did and the now nodded and tapped his foot.

"NOW SAY YEEEEH!"

"Yeeeh?"

"LOUDER YEEEEH!"

Snow smiled ash she got into the rhythm.

"YEEEEH!"

All of a sudden the mood changed and the boy shot a paintball to Snows stomach.

"WERE ARE THE SKELETON KEYS?!"


	9. Chapter 9

Ch9

**[by the way this one isn't so serious but let's face it, this story in general isn't serious at all, it's just to have a good time]**

"ELSA CALL THE SHERIFF!"

Snow yelled wheeling out David who looked like a pop art painting. Elsa nodded and took out a red phone from a drawer in her desk that the minute she took the receiver it was already ringing.

/In the Sherifs Station/

Regina finished locking up Leroy in one of the cells after forcing him, at gun point, to put some cloths on. Suddenly something grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into the storage closet. The moment she was slammed against the door was the moment she lifted her hand with a fireball and freaking out Emma.

"JESUS! Chill out Zuko!"

Regina growled but extinguished the fireball and pushed Emma off her before fixing her cloths.

"What the hell is this idiotic spasm about this time Ms Swan?"

Emma pouts but puffs her chest and of course Regina's eyes sneak down to her chest for a moment. But can you really blame her?

"Regina Mills, We need to talk about... Stuff that happened between us"

Regina felt heat rush to her cheeks but controlled it.

"I told you Ms Swan, it didn't mean- "

Emma quickly waved a hand in front of Regina and cut her speech.

"Do you smell that Reg?" She asked and Regina frowned.

"Wha-"

"Do you smell it?" She persisted and Regina and sweated slowly quite unsure at what the sherif was getting at.

"...no"

"I SMELL BULLSHIT REGINA AND YOU KNOW IT!"

Emma screamed pointing a finger and Regina blushed fearlessly.

"HOW DARE YOU! It's NOT-!"

"BUUUUULLLLSHEEET"

Emma screamed clenching her fists in anger. Regina was about to complain and perusal step of their fighting tango, she invaded Emma's personal space. But Emma wasn't going to let this beautiful woman scream at her and spit this time, oh no. Emma Swan was going to take action! And with action, comes reaction.

Emma cupped Regina's face and smashed their lips together and her hot tongue practically barged into Regina's mouth, sometimes nipping the Deputy's lower lip. Sure she was being a little forceful but she knows how much Regina fucking loves it.

Oh yes the Evil Queen likes it hard.

Go figure right?

And Emma was more than happy to comply as she lifted Regina up and smashed her against the door. Regina's hards pulled Emma's head closer and her legs went around the sherif's waist. She had to admit it, Emma knew how to please a woman and Regina didn't keep her body from reacting the blondes touch.

She moaned and moved her lips to the flush red ear and whispered but it seemed like growl.

"Desk. Now"

Emma jolted as a shock of arousal went from her spine and straight to her pussy. Fumbling with the knob she quickly opened the door and carried Regina while grabbing the brunette's ass to her office. Regina ,whilst exploring the blondes neck yet again, quickly waved her hands so the blinds would go down and the fat little man in the cell wouldn't see nor hear anything.

With an exaggerated movement of arms Emma cleared her desk, the computer from the age of the dinosaurs included, and pushed Regina onto it and Regina smirked up at her, her eyes so dark, they looked like they belong to a doll.

Emma leaned forewords and whispered in Regina's ear before nipping her lobe and tugging it hard making the brunette moan.

"I'm gonna fuck you so hard"

But before any of that could happen, Emma's phone rang being a total twat block and making all the readers groan and sigh in frustration at the author.

**Sorry guys**.

Emma took the offending device and Regina glared her body all flustered.

"WHAT?!"

"COME TO THE MAYOR OFFICE AND DO YOUR JOB!"

Elsa screamed from the line and if Emma had a flip phone she would have snap it close so hard but as she had a god damn iPhone she could only tap it. And so she did, repeatedly and angrily. But Emma wanted to tap another thing so badly it hurt. In her throbbing pussy.

Regina was already with her hair and cloths perfectly as always. Because in another life she was a freaking queen and she had a mild OCD for that kind of thing.

They walked out the station, Regina leading, when they were out of view Emma took one quick stride and grabbed Regina's ass and squeezed it not to hard but hard enough to make the brunette jump with a yelp. Then Emma growled.

"After all of this is done, I'm fucking you until you can't walk straight and then we are dealing with our feelings, got it?"

Regina smirked with her dark eyes and nodded.

"AH ANANANANANANA KNEEES! KNEEES!"

Felix and Henry screamed while the blond boy drummed the board of the wagon. Snows present for Henry this year was her old wagon, making her 'the best grandma ever' and now Henry and Felix were driving through the forest to a start of the year party that some of the lost boys were organizing.

"Are you sure is around here?"

Felix gave his best friend a smug look.

"Trust me HenHen I know my info"

Henry only gave him a look and just kept driving following Felix indications. He swallowed a lump on his throat and tentatively asked.

"Is there gonna be booze?"

Felix nodded.

"Hell yeah! I have no idea where they got it but it's amazing!"

Felix laugh carelessly and Henry chuckled nervously. Felix rolled the window and stuck head out like a golden retrieve, Henry had to control her eyes from not wondering to the boy who was in such a beautifully free state and kept them in the road. Through the window came low booming of music and Felix nodded to the beat.

"Yeaaaaah! HERE WE GO NOW! We are getting closer!"

A cabin loomed and distinct light flashed through the windows. The car door windows rumbled to the beat as they parked the wagon next to the other cars. Felix jumped right out his dark blazer almost getting caught in the door. Henry lifted a brow at how the other boy scrambled to his side of the car and open the door for him. Henry's eyes roamed from the polish red convers, to the washed dark skinny jeans, with the white shirt and black blazer, sleeves up blazer. And of course when he reached his friends face this one was posing like and idiot flexing his arms making his muscles bulge.

"Please HenHen I know I look fly"

Henry scoffed and got out of the car pushing the taller boy back as he locked the car. He quickly controlled his blush at getting caught and quickly formulated an excuse.

"I just wanted to know if I was dressed fine like this"

He said smoothly referring to his red lumberjack shirt, beanie and jeans. When he turned Felix's eyes went up to his face.

'HOLY SHIT WAS FELIX CHECKING MY ASS!?'

Henry thought but instead of saying something he lifted a brow that was just like his brunette mother and smirked just like her making Felix frown. There was an awkward, tension filled air that hung between them until Felix's face broke to one akin to mischief and yelled.

"LETS GET HELLA DRUNK!"

He grabbed Henry's arm and pulled him in to the cabin receiving welcoming nods from the people hanging on the porch. A heat wave hit them as they entered the cramped cabin filled of sweaty bodies pressed against each other, pumping, jumping, swinging, grinding and fist pumping to the beat of the DJ. A group of girls past them giving them the seductive eyes making Henry blush and Felix rolled his eyes taking the tomatoe face boy hand in his own and dragging him to the small bar. It was time to rum it up.

When they got there a much taller red streaked hair, Indian looking boy flashed a perfect smile at Felix and Felix's eyes brightened.

"Rufio!"

"Felix!"

The two boys side hugged and laughed. Henry stood there eyeing suspiciously at this Rufio guy. He was big, strong build and looked like he was part of a biker gang. Henry didn't like him.

"Sick party man"

Felix said stuffing his hands in his blazer pockets, something Henry identified as his best friend getting nervous. Henry's normal calm anger flared up at that, this douchio guy was making his friend nervous for no apparent reason.

Rufio made a mocking bow and laughed taking a sip of his plastic red cup, his eyes never leaving Felix's and then Henry realized nobody noticed he was still there.

"Were did you get the place and the booze?"

Felix asked and Rufio laughed almost spilling his drink. Henry glared at this behavior.

"Well the place was of this old guy that got banished and the booze..."

The Indian boy drawled getting out a pair of keys Henry identified immediately. The skeleton keys! The keys that could open any door! The keys that belong to the mayor.

"Were did you get that?!"

Henry demanded taking a step finally getting both of the boys attention. Felix swallowed thickly something that didn't went past Henry.

'He's definitely nervous'.

Rufio looked him up and down and chuckled.

"Who are you?"

Henry puffed his chest and pointed at Rufio.

"I'm Henry Mills and those are the skeleton Keys that belong to the mayor that you obviously stole!"

Felix flinched and put a hand on Henry's chest pushing him back.

"Hen.."

He whispered warningly that only Henry heard. The brunet eyes him incredulously and swatted Felix's hand off him.

"Oh shit! You're the evil queens and the Savior's son! Oh man that's sick! "

Rufio laughed and lifted his hands for a high five. Felix chuckled nervously and nudged Henry to go on but Henry glared at him and instead presented his hand.

"Give me those back"

Rufio looked at him like he just grew a second head like that guy from Men In Black II.

"Wow, wow, hey now are you serious little guy?"

Henry just kept on glaring making Rufio laugh hard. The Indian boy then looked at Felix.

"This is the kind of people you hang with now? Pan is gone and suddenly you are goody goody with the kid who has more connections in town than a power box"

Felix's jaw clenched at the mention of Pan and Henry snarled at the guy.

"Give me the keys"

Rufio looked at Felix smirking but then turned to Henry and placed the keys on Henry's opened palm.

"Okay here you go"

He lifted his cup and left them as he entered the sea of people. Felix looked nervously after Rufio and then his shoulders sagged once the boy disappeared. He took his hands off his pockets and cleaned them on his jeans. When he turned and saw Henry glaring his face fell.

"Henry I-"

Henry shook his head cutting off.

"I don't care Felix I'm getting a drink and going with Wendy so you can join the bad boy gang"

Felix tried to stop him but Henry was faster and disappeared much to Felix disgrace.

Emma and Regina strutted through the corridor and was met by Elsa who was waiting next to Will Scarlet, who nodded at Emma and Emma answered that nod. With a nod.

"Great now the dynamic duo is here I can leave"

Elsa said coldly and left with Will. Regina rolled her eyes and when the Dynamic Duo entered the crime scene Regina bursted. She snorted and clutch her stomach in laughter. Emma's frustration dissipated at the sight of the ridiculous room and how Regina reacted.

"HOLY SHIT! SNOW WHITE WAS ATTACKED BY PAINT GUNS!"

She panted and cleaned the tears streaming down from laughter. That's was all it took and Emma join Regina and the duo laughed hard again grabbing each other's arm for support.

Snow for her part pouted and huffed.

"I WAS ATTACKED BY A GANG!"

"By Barney and his friends?"

Emma blurted before laughing at her own joke with Regina.

"This is serious they took the skeleton Keys!"

Emma took a moment to sober up and nodded for Snow to tell her all she knew so she could start persecuting The Recess gang. Once Regina recovered and took twenty photos of the place and the state of Snow and David that look like Andy Warhol personally made them.

Before the left Emma popped her head in and smirked before saying darkly.

"Hey Snow... Elmo knows where you live.."

The people were dancing to the rhythm of Sun Goes Down while Felix tried to make his way across the people. After angry drinking 3 glasses of Vodka and Juice he was pretty drunk. He didn't have much tolerance and all his mind was thinking right now was Henry's disappointed face.

He stumbled upon a random ladder that went down. He had no idea how he ended there but Henry might be in that door at the end of the stairs.

"Henwy!"

He stammered and stumbled down. He fumbled with the door until he open it and various voices yelled at him to shut it, so he did behind him. The room smelled funny and there was a sort of haze hanging about it. There were at least 5 five people sitting down around a strange looking lamp and moving there head slowly to the beat of the music that sounded there that was far more slower.

One guy looked at him with lidded eyes and laughed. He was a strange looking boy, dressed in greenish blue and his hair was ocean blue and combed back to the left.

The boombox blasted the first legible lyric that Felix understood that was a 'Welcome!'.

"Hey man, what brings you to the borrow hole?"

He asked before the girl at his right offered him a pipe that came out of the lamp. He held his breath before he released puffs of smoke shaped like an 'O'.

"I'm looking for Henry!"

One of the guys laughed and said.

"Duuuuude I saw him hitting on Wendy man, super suave style you know?"

That hit Felix and anger brew in him again.

"DAMN IT HENRY! That fucking bitch won't steal him again this time"

Felix yelled and went for the door

Another guy, more Hispanic said calmly at him between giggles.

"Hey Papi! If your boy doesn't work why don't you meet me outside, we could drink a little bit of tequila"

He finished with a wink and Felix stared at him dumbly before opening the door and calling after Henry.

After running and pushing past people he saw them. Henry dancing close to Wendy, like a gentleman and the girl smiling blissfully, it was like the couple was glowing.

It made Felix seriously sick and he felt bile rushing up his throat. She grabbed Wendy and pulled her off Henry and if there was a record playing there would have been a record screech sound since Felix totally destroyed the moment.

"You fucking Cunt! Why won't you just leave me alone!"

Wendy looked at him up and down and the pretty girl glared.

"for crying out loud Felix get over it okay! Pan didn't want you! Henry doesn't want you why don't you just leave us alone and just go and find someone else!"

"So you can rip them from me again!?"

Felix almost cried, his whole body shaking.

"You are the one that ripped me off Henry!"

Henry who was shocked about what was going on shook his head and place a hand on Felix shoulder. It was a wrong move since Felix turned and slapped Henry's face. The minute he realized though his face fell and he muttered an 'I'm sorry' before he ran away.

Henry stared after him finally understanding but pissed that Felix just acted that way and never explained. And he just got bitch slapped too! He was fuming but he couldn't over think it because somebody yelled.

"THE POLICE IS HERE! HOT DAMN!"

Henry muttered and 'OH SHIT!' In fear and ran to his wagon.

_**A.N**_

_**HenryxFelix?**_

_**Yes,no?**_


	10. Chapter 10

"OH SHIT THE COPS!"

Emma and Regina stood on the door of the cabin staring at the bunch of drunk swaying teens. Some had fled that much they'd know, but the ones in worst state were the ones to stay still, their hazy alcohol filled minds still trying to process what was happening. Whispered fled back and forth until a brave or more like stupid, poor unfortunate soul asked.

"ARE THEY STRIPPERS?"

Emma snarled back.

"NO WE'RE NOT STRIPPERS!"

"YOU LOOK LIKE STRIPP-"

Regina had enough and stepped forward. All the teenager seemed a little to over it and drunk. She stepped right into his face, that reeked of booze and tobacco. She snarled disgustedly and used her Evil Queen voice. This little shits were in trouble.

"The ones who bought the alcohol, step right up"

There was a short moment of silence before every single kid darted in all and every direction. Once evaded Emma and Regina while others ran and made escape routes. Like jumping through windows. Emma cursed 'little bastards!' And went after one who was trying to stuff in alcohol into his black ripped leather jacket.

She forcefully grabbed his armed and bared her teeth in success.

"Caught you, kid!"

"OI, BITCH I DONT FUCK WITH YOU!"

"HEY! YOU FUCK WITH THE LAW, THEN YOURE FUCKING WITH ME! You Little-!"

"Emma!"

Regina reprimanded as she went down into the basement. A wave of heated, raw grass smelling smoke hit her making her cough.

The scene she saw was maddening.

It seemed to be a grinding fest, boys with boys, girls with girls and boys with girls. She was sure that it would turn into a freaking orgy soon.

"Hey!"

Like everyone kept doing what they were doing, Regina grabbed the water pipe that oozed with the smell of marihuana and threw it, shattering it to pieces, against the boom box, effectively breaking it. That made the teenagers stop and realize what they were doing.

Emma watch in bewilderment as a group of laughing kids ran from the basement and out the door. Hot on their heels, came Regina whose eyes were flaring up, in brown angry flames.

"Damn it Swan! You're suppose to catch them not just stand there, telekinesis exists dear, but I'm pretty sure you're magic isn't that strong"

Regina snapped and Emma shrugged foreword the boy she catches but not actually letting go of the vice grip on his arm. Regina smirked darkly. Like she always did when things went her way. And it was hot.

"Well apparently you're not that useless... Who is this?"

She said in her taunting voice.

After rolling her eyes Emma answered.

"This is Roofies-"

"Rufio!"

The boy corrected and both officers rolled their eyes. Like they both have a fuck, Regina The Queen of Zero Fucks and Emma the No-fucks-here Savior. The Indian boy cursed under his breath.

"Whatever narcozep! I caught him trying to gather the booze"

Regina nodded and took her time to look around Rumple's cabin.

"Well they really trashed Rumple's cabin"

Regina scoffed with a smirk and her eyes sparkled with pure evilness.

"Maybe your punishment won't that bad because of it Roofies"

"Regina!"

Emma gasp but shook her head with a smile and pushed the boy out the door.

"Get on rohypnol, we're heading back to station"

The ride was short and once they locked Flunitrazepam up. Emma sighed and ignore the boy that glared at her before sighing.

Regina glared back and made him immediately go into the corner and hug his knees. The deputy motion for the sheriff to go outside into the hall.

"Well he doesn't have the keys"

Regina sighed and crossed her arms staring at Emma. The sheriff scratched her chin and frowned.

"Do you think that another one of the kids has them?"

"What other option do we have Ms Swan!"

Regina snapped and huffed getting out her cellphone and quick failing a number.

"Snow, we got one of the rascals were not sure if he led the gang that..," she stopped because her laughter bubbles and she was having a hard time keeping it down. She snorted but quickly covered it with a cough. "Attacked you"

Emma bit her tongue but couldn't keep her sniggers. Regina smiled and winked at her as she finished her call with Snow.

"Well now what"

"NO!"

Regina pressed the end call on her Black Berry and glared at Emma walking right up to her.

"EVERY TIME YOU SAY THAT SOMETHING HAPPENS!"

Emma grabbed Regina's hands giving them a light squeeze and her magic surged forward to calm the others. They waited a few minutes.

"See? Nothing Ba-"

"Oh shut up Ms Swan"

Regina snapped looking up at Emma.

Emma smiled goofily and poked her.

"Aw! Aren't you a grumpy pants?"

"What?!"

Regina tried to pull away from Emma but the sheriff was stronger and pulled her in hugging her.

Then she said in an annoying voice.

"Gwampy pants! Come on Reggie who tied your panties in a knot?"

"Emma you keep that up and we are not having sex"

Emma's eyes widen when she remembered her purpose in life.

Fucking Regina so hard she wouldn't be able to walk straight for the rest of her life.

Of course it was an unrealistic purpose, because it's almost impossible considering Regina has healing magic and Emma isn't that aggressive.

But she will fuck Regina.

And that is a promise.

"An Emma Swan promise"

The sheriff whispered to herself looking up into the ceiling in wonder if her own inner wisdom. Regina though , since Emma started her own inner monologue, Emma had hugged her tight against her body and had awkwardly started to pet her. So there was Regina pressed against Emma's bosom.

"Emma?"

She asked cautiously.

Emma snapped and looked down to Regina with a smile.

"Let's go Regina! To the fuckroom!"

"The what room?"

But it was too late Emma was pulling her towards the yellow bug and Regina ran to not be dragged on the floor like a rag-doll.

What they didn't notice was the sneaky shadow that slipped into the station.

Rufio sat on the cot and hugged his knees. The evil queen confused him so. She was hot and angry and scary. A very bad combination for a hormonal teenage boy. His playboy magazines weren't as aggressive though.

"Women are scary"

He whispered to the confines of his jail cell. What was he doing with his life?! He was in jail damn it! He was only 17! HE HAD A WHOLE LIFE TO LIVE! AND NOW HE WAS GOING TO ROT IN JAIL!

His train of thought was interrupted as he heard.

_Tack_

_Tack_

_Tack_

_Tack_

A metal going through the bars. A low chirpy chuckle resonated through the empty sheriff station.

Rufio gasp as he saw a shadow in front of him.

And then she pressed her face against the bars with psycho killer, not the song, face.

"There you are!"

Rufio gasped and stood up as adrenaline filled his body.

"How did you! How did you find me!?"

"I will always find you!"

Snow said with a crazy wicked smile as she pointed the paint gun.

Rufio shuddered and tried to find for a way out. But who was he kidding he was in jail!

"HANDS. IN. THE. AIR!"

He did.

"Now..."

Snow smirked just like Regina did, but not as good though, but it was terrifying.

"Wave them from side to side like you don't care!"

"Why?"

"DO IT!"

Snow demanded and the boy whimpered. He did wave his hands from side to side like he didn't care. But he did.

"Now say Yeeh!"

"Yeeeh!"

"LOUDER YEEEEEH"

"YEEEEH?"

Snow smiles victoriously.

"Revenge, mother fu-"

And she pressed the trigger.

**Bang**

**Bang**

**Bang.**

No '_mm whatcha say_' soundtrack. No.

Rufio feel to the ground covered in purple paint and Snow laughed victoriously.

"You're a mad old woman"

The boy gasp and Snow glared at him like he just said unicorns stickers were stupid. You do not mess with Snows Unicorns stickers. She shot him again.

"Shut up"

Emma was flustered. She gripped the steering wheel tighter with a grip it was sure to snap in half. She was trying to really hard not to crash. But she was more than tempted than to crash against the StoryBrooke sign and do it.

After all how could you drive when Regina Mills had her lips latched to your throat, licking and sucking the sweet sweet spot and she had her hand in your pants thrusting into you and rubbing your clit expertly.

Emma screamed as she came again and pressed the accelerator making the car go faster for 5 seconds before she remembered that she was driving.

"Re-Regina, Im... I was...ah...supposed to fuck you!"

Regina stopped her ministrations and leaned to whisper in Emma's ear.

"Then get to the mansion already Swan"

Emma stepped on the gas and made her poor little bug drive as fast as he could. Herbie be damned.

Although once they got there they saw a sight that put their plan into halt.

There in the side walk, park horribly something that Regina was sure that was something in the Swan Genes, was Henry's car.

"Why is Henry's car parked extra horribly wrong"

Regina asked gripping Emma's hand at the stirring wheel thinking the worst scenarios possible.

Emma frown and thought things through.

"Well maybe he had a girl distracting him too"

Emma said suggestively and looked at Regina wiggling her eyebrows making them say 'you know what I mean'. Regina gasp.

"Our son is too young for that Ms Swan!"

She busted out of the car.

"HENRY! HENRY DANIEL MILLS, YOU BETTER NOT BE WITH A GIRL! AND IF YOU ARE YOU BETTER HAVE USED A CONDOM YOUNG MAN!"

Regina said in her fierce mom voice and strutting to the car. She opened the car door and expected to see the worst. It seemed like yesterday that Henry was a little baby and now Regina was praying not to find his son doing obscene things on the back seat.

Oh her little prince!

When he opened the door. Her little boy threw himself on her and he hugged her with all her might.

"MA!"

"oh Henry I thought-!"

"I'm going to throw up"

The boy announced and Regina quickly pushed him of her and angled him towards the bushes.

"OKAY AWAY FROM ME BARFING BOY, HENRY!"

She said whilst and Henry barfed. Emma got off the bug and ran to her family.

"Are you okay?"

Regina nodded and Henry too as he straightened up cleaning his mouth with the back of his hand. Emma roamed her eyes over her son's body checking for any injury or something out of place. What she saw made her blood run cold. There hanging from the boys back pocket jeans where a set of keys.

_The skeletons keys._

"Henry..." Emma started but something hit her. A wave of something. Something powerful. Her green eyes flickered white and she turn to look at Regina for guidance.

Regina glared at her with intense purple eyes.

"Really Ms Swan 'nothing bad is going to happen'!?"

Emma groaned and rolled her eyes.

"Oh for fucks sake! DAMN IT WALT!"

She yelled at the sky lifting her fists in anger. Henry frown, he was confused.

"Uh ma?"

Regina hugged him and squeezed his arms.

"Don't ask dear"

Snow read the text message she just received from Regina.

_**FROM**_:

**Step Mommy [Apple emoticon]**

**The boy we caught might not be the one who stole the Skeleton keys.**

"GOD DAMNIT!"

Snow yelled banging her fist against her night stand making David yelp.

**Twitter| Shoowuzy**

**InstaG| SwanMillsFeels**

**Tumblr| Raqmar17**

**Wattpad| EvilDork**

** | EvilDork**


	11. Queers Of Darkness

**Ch11**

**PART 2 ( yes this started having parts...) THE QUEERS OF DARKNESS******

**(Morgan Freeman voice...)  
LAST TIME ON DRUNKEN KISS:**

**IT STARTED AS A DRUNK NIGHT MISTAKE, NOW THE SHERIFF AND THE EX MAYOR/SEXY NEW DEPUTY ARE FUCKING AGAIN.******

**BUT ARE THEY IN A RELATION SHIP?******

**HENRY IS IN DEEP SHIT! NOT TO MENTION NO ONE KNOWS WHERE THE FUCK FELIX IS.**

**EMMA SCREWED UP BY SAYING THE WORDS THAT SHOULD NEVER BE SAID. THAT WERE THE ONES THAT OBVIOUSLY CAUSED EVERYTHING.  
AND SHE CONTINUES TO SCREW THINGS UP. SHUT YO MOUTH SWAN!**

**BELLE IS STILL, VERY MUCH PREGNANT.**

**MAGIC IS COMING, I MEAN MORE THAN THERE ALREADY IS.**

**AND SNOW IS FUCKING CRAZY.**

**And so we continue,  
**  
Felix ran through the forest, he felt like he was in the matrix and was slow motion-ly trying to avoid getting hit by a low branch.  
But, he wasn't very lucky. A thick black line came to fast and hit him on the head knocking down.

That was going to leave a big angry bruise. He couldn't sit up. His vision was spinning fast and blurry. But his ear weren't ringing.  
He heard something. Hushed somber voices. That spoked rapidly and femininely.

"What a dreadful little town"  
A rough English voice commented.

"you would think Regina was going to take away their happy endings, have you seen the prices in this town?! Seriously! How come she didn't curse me to live here?"  
This one was more feminine and American.

"Because she hates you, well that's a lie, but she loves you the less"  
This one was by far the most refined one.

"I'm glad we've brought you back to life just so you could say that"  
Said the American.

English, American and refined. It sounded like a bad joke.

"Have you got the spell darling?"  
Asked the English voice. Apparently the joke wasn't over.

"Yeah... I don't know if it works..."  
The American said and there was a sigh.

"Well I'm not testing that"  
The refined one snapped and the English whispered.  
"Me neither, I don't want to be stuck with a dick for eternity"

This sounds like a really bad dirty joke. Felix tried to get up but couldn't, he fell back down.  
The leaves rustles and he heard crunches.  
"Oh no" he whined and tried to get up but the English voice appeared and with it a thick toxic smell of cigar.

"Well, well, darlings I do believe we have a labrat to test this on"

"How could you! Henry Daniel Mills, I did not raise you like this! We know what you did to your grandmother, and even though I partly agree wit-

"Regina"  
Emma warned.

"It is still unacceptable Henry! So why did you do it"

Henry groaned they had let him take a quick shower, were he tried to sober up and then they took him to Regina's office. Were Regina yelled at him for 20 minutes.

"I didn't steal the keys mom"  
Henry groaned holding his head. Regina eyes darted across the room as her mind wheeled over her son's confession.

Emma though, being the superhero that she was sensed that it wasn't at all a lie and she frowned sitting beside her boy on the couch.

"He isn't lying, Regina"

Regina glared at Emma.

"I know Ms Swan I'm not stupid, I know my son, After all I was the one who raise him!"

There was that eerie silence that was instantly filled with tension. Henry tried to submerge into the couch but he couldn't help to whisper.

"Oooh, low blow"

Emma glared at Regina and fisted.

"I know that Regina and I'm thankful you did, but I told you that because you look like you've got a witch broom so up your ass that you're going to explode!"

"Daamn ouch"  
Henry whispered preparing for the bantering that was coming.

Regina glared at her and Emma recognized that glare. She was so fucking screwed.

"Regina I'm sorry, I'm just trying to tell you to relax"

"Well excuse me Ms Swan if I don't relax, our son committed DUI, we found him with the skeleton keys, he probably lost his virginity-"

"I didn't have sex mom"

"AND he went to a party without our permission, so excuse me Ms Swan if I have the Nimbus 2000 flying up my rectum!"

To that Emma and Henry flinched.

"You didn't it ask did you?"  
Emma asked softly to her son and Henry gave her that smile.

"I'm sorry?"

Emma groaned and buried her face into her hands.

"You little-"

"EMMA"  
Regina scolded but then her fire gaze went to Henry.

"You didn't asks me what Henry?"

"Emma might have told me yes but that I had to ask you for confirmation to go to the party"

"You little shit"  
Regina whispered and walked up to Henry.

"You young man are grounded! For eternity! This is because of that boy!"  
Regina spat in his face.  
Emma never seen Regina so angry. She was pretty sure that the forehead vein was in nuclear melt down count down.  
And it was nearing zero.

Henry for his part was surprised by angry. Why did she had to bring Felix into this mess?

"Felix has nothing to do with this! I told him to go!"

Regina threw a humorless laugh and glared.

"That I don't believe you for a second, young man"

"He's telling the trut-"

"SHUT UP Ms SWAN!"

"fine!"  
Henry yelled and stood up. Emma stood up too to hold him.

"Hey, look Henry, Regina is right, what you did was wrong and it still doesn't explain why you have the skeleton keys"

Henry sighed and Regina did too. She look at her son apologetically but still hurt.

"Look I know and I'm sorry, but the reason why I have the keys is because I saw the guy who stole them and demanded him to give them to me"

Regina nodded her chest bursted with pride and Emma took a step near him.

"Was the guy named like a drug?"

Henry frowned.

"Oh you mean Rofies, yeah Rufio stole them to get the alcohol for the party"

Emma fist pumped and hissed a victorious "yes! You got them Swan!"  
Then she sang and danced.  
"SWAN GOTCHA, DID HURT YA?"

Regina arched a brow but took this moment that Emma was being her inner child to speak to Henry.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you, but I'm hurt Henry, why didn't you ask? I would have said yes, but with this act of rebelliousness I don't know if I can trust you"

Henry took his mother arms in his strong hands and his hazel gaze pierced into her chocolate.

"I'm sorry Mom, I know what I did was wrong and I will prove you can trust me again"

Regina smiled proudly at him.

"You're still grounded though, 3 weeks, no computer, no tv, no outgoings and specially no Felix"

"Yes mom"

Regina walked into the kitchen being followed by Henry and grabbed one of her magnificent apples before she placed it in front of Henry on the counter. She smiled wickedly at the boy and Emma walked in with horror.

"Okay Regina I know Henry disobeyed you but this is too much he's your son-"

"For fucks sake shut the hell up Emma! I do not poison apples anymore, well maybe a few exceptions, but I would never cause harm to my son-"

"What about the turn over?"  
Emma asked before she could stop and closed her eyes facepalming.

"THAT WAS FOR YOU! OF COURSE YOU SPEND ALL DAY STUFFING YOURSELF WITH TRASH FOOD AND WHEN I GIVE YOU SOMETHING YOU GIVE IT TO HENRY!"

"A MOTHER FEEDS HER CHILD FIRST!"

"I kinda, stole it from you ma"

Regina sighed. Her... Partner? Date? Her Emma and her son were children.  
She glared at both and then she looked at Henry with her loving smile.

"This is the only treat you're allowed to eat, no more chocolate, just apples"

Henry slumped but grabbed the fruit and smiled.

"Yes ma'am"

Emma ruffled Henry's hair and smiled at Regina.

She laughed  
"Henry on a DIE-t"

"Bad joke Ms Swan"  
Regina whispered and motion Emma to follow her. Emma frowned as she was led to the front door. Her heart fell an crashed into tiny pieces.

Regina felt her eyes soften and the kicked puppy face Emma was giving her.

"I am supposed to fuck you..."  
Emma whispered broken hearted

Regina smiled and stood on the tips of her toes to kiss Emma on the nose. Why she did that suddenly was a huge mystery not even Sherlock Holmes could decipher but it made both woman very happy.

"I know dear, how about we do this properly?"

That seemed to the the switch to bring all of Emma's joy back and and the woman did little jumps on the place.

"Yes! Can I ask you out!?"

"Of course dear wh-"  
Emma quickly cut her out my putting her finger on the scarlet lips.

"No... I'm gonna ask you properly..."

Emma says and quickly leaves the house.

Regina was left there with swirling emotions. She felt high, and Emma was in her mind. All the time. Her heart beat faster and faster like if it was part of a _**Murga**_.

No, this couldn't be!  
Was she... In love?!

_No! Bad Regina!_ She thought to herself, slapping her face.  
_Bad! Bad! Bad!_

But... Her heart didn't follow. She was hopelessly in love with Emma Swan.

Now that she admitted it, her body started to go into overdrive.

_Emma! Emma! Emma! Emma!  
_Her mind chanted before it started to conjure images of them together. Adorably, domestically and incredibly hot.  
Her body started to heat up.  
_Emma! Emma! Emma! Emma!  
God her lips! The way her pussy tasted, do you remember that?!._  
Regina groaned and slammed her head against the door.  
She was a mess.

"Henry!"  
She yelled entering the kitchen. Henry looked at her and stopped eating the apple.

He swallowed and answered.  
"Yeah?"

"Quickly distract me"  
Regina pleaded desperately as her body and mind were yelling for Swan.  
_  
__Well it's the only bird that the Queen is allowed to eat remember?_  
Her mind equipped and she cursed herself.

"Uh... How?"  
Henry had no idea what was going on, this had been a crazy day.

"Anything!"  
Regina begged and her boy cleared his throat and searched in his mind.

"Can we buy a llama?"  
He said with a smile and Regina scoffed.

"Why would we do that!?"  
Henry rolled his eyes oh so Mills-ly and answered.

"It's a way to distract you, hypothetically, can we buy a llama?"  
He tried again and his mother nodded.

"Alright, how should we name said llama?"  
Regina asked carefully and Henry grinned.

"How about Lana? A llama named Lana"  
Henry laughs and Regina rolled her eyes.

"This is stupid I'm going to bed"  
She grumbled and left her son laughing in the kitchen.

**A.n**

**Twitter| Shoowuzy  
InstaG| SwanMillsFeels  
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| EvilDork  
Sent from my iPhone**


	12. Test Results & Kawabonga

_**I would like to use this space to clarify**_

_**HENRY IS 15-16 IN THIS FIC**_

**PROS:**

_\- She understands me_  
_\- Henry likes her (well she's his mother)_  
_\- She's fun_  
_\- Always had my back_  
_\- Sexy_  
_\- Cute_  
_\- Best sex _  
_\- She does that thing when she concentrates, tongue poking. Teasing._  
_\- She's a huge tease_  
_\- She's my boss_  
_\- Great kisser_  
_\- Fights back_  
_\- She makes me laugh_  
_\- She said it herself 'we are unique' _  
_\- I would be fucking Snow's Daughter_  
_\- I consider her my friend._  
_\- we are friends._

**CONS**:  
_\- she's part Charming_  
_\- I would be fucking Snow's Daughter_  
_\- she's a huge tease_  
_\- she's my boss_  
_\- she could be considered a charming_  
_\- she's a child _  
_\- she drives that car_  
_\- will probably die in 5 years from a heart attack from all the unhealthy food she eats_  
_\- still part charming._  
-...

Regina stared at the piece of paper as if her own eyes could write the words that tortured her mind. Her heart was beating hard and her hand shook with unspoken fear as she wrote the last and most important con.

-_everyone I love and loves me back ends up hurt. Or Dead_.

She stared at it. It was her own curse, the real thing that created the Evil Queen.

You don't know if she loves you, maybe... She will be safe...  
Regina's mind reasons and the deputy sighs massaging her forehead.

"CAN I HAVE YOUR DAUGHTER FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE! Hey! Good morning"  
Came the happy yell from the door making Regina jump. Emma ripped her ear buds from her ears and smiled.

"Jesus!"  
Regina sighed and quickly swooped the paper where she was writing into her personal notebook.

"Nope, just me, believe me I tried to walk on water once and it didn't work"  
Emma announced chuckling as she took a seat and leaned back.

"And after Harry Potter I'm not trying to turn water to wine, because it explodes... Or was it rum?" Emma asked to herself, seeking in her memory for that scene in the first movie.

Regina rolled her eyes and stared at the thinking sheriff. Her heart fluttered and she felt warm and fuzzy. Regina closed her eyes and groaned internally. When did she turned 16 again?

"Just so you know I'm planning on how to ask you out"  
Emma said with a stupid grin and Regina lifted a brow.

"Really?" She drawls with fake boredom. As if her body wasn't being wrecked by nerves.

"Mmmhm"  
Emma hummed with a smile as she balled up a lost piece of paper. She threw the paper ball to the trash can, missing it completely. Regina raised a brow and watched as more balls followed until she got bored and she flicked her wrist and the ball of paper erupted on fire.

"Regina!" Emma whined and the brunette smirked. She sat back up right.

"And how do you propose you'd ask me out?" Regina drawled with an interest smirk and Emma pouted still mad at her.

"I'm not telling you, it's a surprise, and you burnt my ball" Emma whined and Regina rolled her eyes.

"Must you always be so childish?"

"But I must!" Emma replied cheekily with a smile.

"This is boring" Regina groaned and Emma smiled.

"Now do you understand why I kept sleeping on my desk, Ex Madam Mayor"  
Emma said as she lowered herself upon it, waggling her eye brows suggestively.

Regina scoffed but her lips turned a bit upwards, and that was a victory in The Swan Book.  
"You could have used your time doing the paper work, but then again it would have been terrible anyways" as to prove a point she took out her paper work and started doing it.

"Psh! You miss being mayor because of my paper work" green eyes rolled and glared. Regina actually laughed while heartily and it shook Emma's world. For one part the blonde didn't want that melodic sound to end, for the other though, Regina was laughing _at_ her. Emma pouted and Regina sighed cleaning her tears. 

"We could go on patrol" Emma suggested trying to change the subject and just ram it under the imaginary carpet. But before Regina could answer, the sound of clicking heels rapidly walking down the hallway could be heard along with taps. Kathryn appeared with Fred trailing behind her. She walked up to Regina's desk and slammed her hands down on it making the deputy give a small jump on her chair.

"I can't find my son!" She yelled with tears rolling down her blue red shot eyes. Regina stood from her chair and walked to Kat. She pulled the blonde into a breath exhaling hug. After all Regina understood perfectly what she was feeling.

Emma's brows furrowed and she looked at Fred.

"He didn't come back from the party?" She asked and the man shook his head.

"No he went, with Henry, Henry invited him to go" Fred explained running a hand through his short hair.

Emma turned to Regina with a smug smile.

"See I told you he wasn't lying!"  
The blond enthusiasm and Regina glared making Emma shut her mouth. She immediately regretted her words, she was brave but Regina always had some sort of hold on her.  
Regina rolled her eyes.

"This isn't place nor time Ms Swan"  
Regina gritted through her teeth and glared murderously at the Sheriff. Regina pulled Kathryn and cleaned the woman's tear streaked cheeks.

"We'll find him" she promised in a low fierce voice. Emma nodded and stood picking her jacket.

"We'll start from the cabin"

_BAM_  
_BAM_  
_BAM!_

And down came the cabins door. Emma groan wiggling her foot a little to relax the aching muscles. In the movies kicking a door down looked much more simpler and less painful. She was going to sue Hollywood after this.

"Emma!" Regina scolded as she neared her sheriff, she got left behind as she strapped on her holsters.

"Well I opened it!" Emma defended and brown eyes rolled.

"I have the keys genius!" And to make the point, olive hands lifted a pair of keys before jingling them.  
Emma pouted  
"You're no fun deputy"

Plumb red lips smirked slowly.  
"I'll show you fun later _sheriff_"  
That was a slap of arousal to Emma's pussy.  
"What?" But she was left alone as Regina entered the cabin, stepping carefully around the door on the ground.

Before they could be sneaky or even try being something, a brunette appeared wearing some jeans and a black flannel. She had a tooth brush sticking out of her mouth and foam, that was from the tooth paste, coming out as if she had rabies.

"What the fuck" the f made her spit foam everywhere and Emma cringed back, evading little specks with an 'ew'. Regina wasn't as fortunate and just glared at the woman as little specks hit her face.

"Ursula ... Really?" She asked unamused and cleaned her face while Emma's contorted into a mix of fright, awesomeness and 'oh shit we are screwed'.

"Wait isn't Ursula purpled skinned...and white haired...?" Emma asked softly her eyes fleeting to Regina's face and Regina looked at Emma with wide eyes.

"I think that's racist" Ursula commented dryly as she disappeared from were she came from, leaving the Sheriff and Deputy into an awkward silenced filled waiting.

When Ursula came back she sighed.  
"Why did you break our door down? Haven't you heard about knocking?"

"Okay breaking the door down was cool! Just not for my feet and also! This is Rumple's cabin"

"Not anymore"  
Came a voice from behind that made the Sheriff and Deputy turned. Regina froze and paled but Emma frowned at the new woman. She looked like a blonde, blue eyes, fedora wearing Regina, not to mention she was much taller than said brunette. But then again Regina was a shorty.  
Before Emma could ask who she was, she was interrupted by a.

"Really? Who broke the bloody door? Seriously we already had to fixed it after those damned teenagers and now this!" A figured appeared wearing a sea of fur and her hair styled and matching black and white. Emma crosse her arms an huffed.

"For the last time! it was cool! And it's not like you can file a complain I'm the sheriff! Well you can but- Wait... Are you Cruella Devil?!" Emma's brain had caught up to her in all her rambled and she slowly huddled closer to Regina, who was glaring intently at the other blonde in the room. Whatever was happening Emma knew it was shit hitting the fan at a rapid pace.

"You know what is also '_cool_'? Having a door! And you're a fan I presume?"

"Not really, you're the only character that can have that hairdo" Emma explained pointing to the woman's hair.

Curella fumed, her face exploding like a volcano. She approached Emma, each step seemed to leave a fire trail from the anger spewing off the checkered hair woman.

"You better watch your tongue darling before I tell the dogs to pull it out of your cavity!"

Emma didn't budge at the taller woman and glared back.  
"You know I've heard clean your mouth with soap young lady, but that was new" Emma rolled her neck and pumped her shoulders up.

"And! I didn't see any dogs" she taunted and Cruella smirked darkly.

"That can be arranged darling, Ursula-"

"Hell no, I'm not your bitch, at least not that kind" the darker woman said, the last part very quiet to herself.

Regina snapped her glare from Maleficent and deprecated Emma and Cruella by seething. Her power always was stronger in her voice.

"That's enough, what are you _idiots _doing here" Regina seethed taking a step forward and Emma stood beside her with crossed arms in an 'mmmhm girl I got your back' attitude.

"Why must you hurt us that way?" The regal blonde finally spoke and stalked forward. Emma definitely didn't like the vibe that woman was giving. Not only that but she was slightly taller than Emma

"And who are you supposed to be?" Emma asked in a bravado and the woman arched a brow. The blue eyes turned to Regina and they glint with mirth.

"That's pretty, you send your girlfriend to kill your ex without telling her, that I, Maleficent, was said ex"  
Regina blushed crimson and ducked her head a bit.

"Well actually Robin is my most recent ex-" Mal put a mocking face of horror.

"Ew you went back to dicks?!" Ursula commented on the background and Cruella smirked pointing to Emma briefly.

"Oh we always knew that would happen some times, but she definitely stayed with the blonde, clear eyes type, and now she went back to pussies, didn't you darling"  
Cruella taunted and Regina rolled her eyes and ignored the 'do the carpet match the drapes' comment. Emma fed up with this old evil meanies gang reunion step back into the conversation.

"Well I , Emma ... Swan, will fight you ,...again" Emma menaced and took a step forward.  
"And this time the sword is going up your butt!"

Mal smirked and accepted the deal.  
"Bring it Bimbo"

Emma was about to answer when she was engulfed by a purple smoke. And then they were back at the station.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Regina asked completely mad and ms coughed the remains of the purple dusty smoke.

"Marking my territory!" Emma argued and Regina scoffed.

"Well pee on me already then Ms Swan!" Regina yelled back, getting on Emma's face.

"Okay I'm sorry I get possessive" Emma explained and the brown eyes softened. Before Emma could answer the front door busted and in stumbled Henry and a blonde girl.

"Moms! We have a problem!" The teenager yelled and Regina saw red.

"Henry who's that" she spat pointing to the girl. The blonde girl that seemed to be about Henry's age looked up and gulped.

"I'm Felix"

**A.N**  
**OH SHIT**


End file.
